The blessings of 2014!

Whoa, what a year!  We have had some incredible blessings in our family!  Here is a brief (?) look!

* Lainie took her first classes at Oakland Community College!  Yes, I took her picture on her first day of school in January.  Doesn't every mom do that for college?  (In my defense, she WAS only 16.)

Not embarrassed at all.

* Lainie got her Driver's License this year!  This has meant freedom for her (and me!).  She also helps out by taking Lea places.

* Lea attended the 2nd annual Shine dance at our church, Kensington.  It's a very fancy prom-type dance for people with special needs.  She had a blast and looked absolutely beautiful!!

With her BFF and caregiver Claudine.  I love their relationship!

* Lainie was in another play in the spring.  She played Audrey in As You Like It, as well as an adorable random party-goer.

We are proud of our Drama Queen!

* Lainie and I attended a women's retreat with Kensington.  We had a great time connecting with Christ and each other!  We made some great friends.

* Another chance for Lea to dress up!  Her school banquet was lots of fun.  She got to ride around in a limo bus and have a great banquet meal and dance.

* Lainie, Brad and his sister Tamasin and her hubs Terry did a crazy race!  They got a bit dirty, but had a terrific time. They had to carry Lainie, manhole covers, go through an obstacle course.  A great accomplishment!

* Lea spent a week at Camp Skyline!  It's one of her favorite things in the world!

With her roommate Anna.  They have been roomies for 2 summers!

* It wasn't all good.  A drunk driver rear-ended Lainie who was driving with her friend.  Thank God they were alright!  Her car, however, was a different story.  She still misses it.

Trunk wouldn't closed.  Car all smooshed.

* Brad did yet another race!  This one was him, Tamasin and Terry again.  They had to bike, orienteer, canoe then bike some more.  It was brutal but he was really glad he did it!

They were less smiley at the end.

* My Young Living Essential Oils business really took off!  I love these oils and what they have done for our family.  Better health naturally!  My first year in 25 years with zero allergy meds!  That is just one small part of it.  I don't really "sell" these oils, I share my story.  They sell themselves.  I hit a pretty big goal which is called Silver In 6.  Because of this, Young Living sent me an oil kit with over 120 oils, free!  We were just dying when it came.

* And more on the oil front.  I did something VERY unlike me.  I went to the YL convention in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Let me tell you something, Folks.  On a scale of 1 to 10, my sense of adventure is a minus 17.  Flying alone.  New place alone.  Staying in a house full of strangers.  All a big deal for me.  But I had an amazing time.  I learned SO much about oils, leadership, friendship, YL.  The pictures from that week alone could fill a blog (hey....good idea.)  Just a few highlights:

I won a major award, haha

Got to spend time with my awesome SIL Tamasin, aka TaTa

Here we are looking gorge by a fountain at a cool mall

I must include at least one shot of Pat Monahan from Train.  They performed for our convention and we were so close!  It was an amazing night.

Visiting the farm in Mona, Utah was a definite highlight of the week.  I planted lavender!

Ahh Maze Ing

I really loved SLC.  I can't wait to return next June!  It's all part of that Silver thing, and YL will pay for me this time!

* The day after I got home, Brad and I saw one of our fave bands, Neon Trees.  We saw them 2 years ago in Paris and they are just so freaking awesome!

* We got to spend some time at our friends' cottage in Gladwin on a lake we really love.  

We love it so much, look what happened!  We tried to buy this same little cabin last year but it didn't work out.  This year, it came back on the market.  So we bought it!  It took a couple of months for it all to come together.  So we just boated past and dreamed about the day it would be ours.

* Lea played softball!  She had a great time and learned a lot.  She had fun with her friends.

* Lainie was in another play.  Love's Labour's Lost, Shakespeare again.  They did a sports theme, and she got to be a cheerleader for the first time!

Lea sold concessions.

Lainie played Rosaline.  Here she is with Berowne.  She had the greatest time with this role and production!!

With Grammy and Grampy

* So before we knew we were buying a cottage, we blew a wad on this vacation.  Just kidding about the blew it part!  It was worth every penny!  We went to a fave vacation spot, The Outer Banks of North Carolina.  This time we rented a house on the beach.  In the ocean.  We were in Rodanthe.  You can't beat this location.

I went swimming.  Every day.  Me.

Our silly girls, playing in the ocean together

This is not really a pic of our house or us.  It's a pic of our whacked out neighbors who didn't observe our personal space very well!  haha

Grandma T came with us!

Sitting on the deck of the master bedroom.  I could get used to this.

* What an amazing summer!  And this milestone happened!

Lea voted for the first time!

* Labor Day weekend was the greatest!  We got possession of our cabin!  OMG we love it.  Small, 2 bedrooms, but really perfect for our family.  We have dreamed of this for about 20 years!

The view from our deck in the evening.

Hey we have a pontoon boat!

Geronimo!

Many more campfires to come

Thanks, God, for this.  Wow.

* My nephew Chris got married!  It was a beautiful wedding in a park.  Jen did great considering she was in labor during the ceremony!

* Oops, it's our cottage again!  How did that happen?  We were able to spend many weekends up north.  So blessed!

Our pups LOVE it up here!

Bonus: we have even more friends on the lake! The big house with all the windows across the lake belongs to my parents BFFs.  

Our bud Susan over for a visit

Another boat ride?  Yes please.

* Chris and his new son, TJ!

* Lainie's friends threw her a suprise party!  17!!

* Lainie had her senior pictures taken.  How is this possible?  She was just born the other day.

* Ooops, another visit to the cottage?  Yep.

* Lea got tickets to Disney on Ice for her birthday!  She is 20!!

* Brad ran in the Detroit Marathon!  He did the half, 13.1 miles!  It goes from Detroit through Windsor and back to Detroit.  He raised money for Hope Water Project and helped bring clean water to people in Africa.  I am so proud!!

* We had the great pleasure of having a visit from our German friends the Schaefer's!!  Their daughter Anna is an exchange student in Wisconsin and they came across the pond to visit her.  And they visited us!  So they got to experience the marathon and our cottage!  It was so great to see them!

* Meanwhile, Lainie was on a cruise!  She went with some friends and their parents.  And she paid for it all by herself!  

Here she is, ziplining in Belize!

* Next up: I took a short trip to Chicago with some cool ladies!  It was another oil thang.  We had so much fun!  Well, THEY did for sure because they got to do a road trip with ME.  I am fabulous in the car.

* Another of those not-so-great moments: Lea had her wisdom teeth out.  This was NOT fun. She ended up with a dry socket which is a terribly painful complication.  Thank God that is over.

* Surprise, back up north!

Winter up north!  Pups hanging out and loving it.

* Hey!  Lainie was in a play!  Surprise!  Haha.  The play was called The Princess Who Had No Name and she played Snow White. In this play, Snow White was a Texan.  It was really cute!

With her friend Phoenix

* Uh oh, one of the worst moments of our year.  Lea was rushed to the emergency room by ambulance!  Thank God everything turned out ok.  But it was a long and scary night in the hospital.  She had a CT scan of her brain, echocardiograms, ultrasounds, blood work....the final diagnosis was that she was dehydrated and had a near-fainting spell.  She was fine the next day and has been fine since!  Thank God.

When we broke out!

* We were still able to see Lainie's last performance of this play.

*A cool thing happened at the play.  A lady from the admissions department of a local private college saw it and wanted to meet with Lainie.  We were very excited to hear more about them (Rochester College) and what they have to offer.  We all love it!  She definitely wants to apply there.

Flower strategically placed to protect the innocent.

* We had some really tough moments related to my Dad's dementia.  It's a, horrible, frustrating, devastating disease.  He does have many pleasant moments, though.  He still is a funny dude.

* Now here we sit on New Year's Eve at our happy place.  Tamwood.  We named our cottage after the cottage Brad grew up at with his family.  It's pretty cold up here!  -5 with wind chill.  But the fire is stoked, we have plenty of blankies and 2 warm doggies.  

And we have each other.  That is the greatest!  These people are the ones that make my world go round.  I can't wait to see what 2015 brings us!  New work/business ventures, school/college, cottage of course!  It's bound to be a great year!

Not Gonna Happen

November 2014

I was hosting an essential oil class in a couple of days. I wanted to give my guests a little something made with EOs to take home. In the past, I made bath salts. It's just my speed. Epsom salts, a little baking soda and a few drops of oil in a jar. Boom. Done.

But my friend Dawn had me at her oil class and she gave away some really healthy and delicious homemade throat lozenges. And a recipe. Ok, I can do this. There are only 2 ingredients plus a few oils! I bought the candy thermometer. I was ready to go.

Lainie was helping me. Doing most of the work actually. So that left me free to take some pics. "This is cool" I thought. This looks like a cooking show. Maybe I could blog about this experience. I could be the next Pioneer Woman. I will take gorgeous pictures and people will follow me. I will write a cookbook. I will be rich and famous!

Wow that looks so professional!

Lainie helped me with the stirring which took forever. But then she left me. Abandoned me. I had to finish stirring and it was not fun.  I mean, it's been at 275 degrees for, like, 16 hours.  Where is 300?  Is this ever gonna happen?

OK, a little less professional.

 Dawn said it was easy.  Just dump a bag of powdered sugar on a cookie sheet, make craters in it for the candy and pour it in.

OK back on track.  This looks helpful and educational.

I found some pics on the internet for reference.  These are gonna be so beautiful!

This one is from a food blogger.  Like me!

Well. I poured. I missed. The liquid was stringy and stretchy.  This looks nothing like the video of lozenge making that I watched on YouTube. These things look nothing like Dawn's lozenges. I kept trying. But apparently lozenge making is not my thang.   As you can see.

Umm, yeah.  Those are gonna poke someones soft palette and they will hate me.

I did not take any pictures of the hardened-like-glass mixture that spilled from the pot onto my stove and took me 15 minutes to chisel off with a butter knife.  Or of my counters with the same.  Or of the pot, the 3 different containers I tried to pour this stuff from.  Or the spoons, toothpicks, knives, forks...all covered with shellac, it seemed.

Pioneer Woman, you are safe. For now.

Baby Lea, October 15, 1994

I wrote this post on Lea's 16th birthday, 3 years ago now!  I have shared it every year since on her birthday.  It features my favorite picture of us, because this was the exact  moment I knew everything was going to be alright.  I love you Lea!  Happy 19th birthday!!

16 years ago today, it happened.  A bit earlier than I thought, by 3 weeks.  But finally the baby was here.  It's a girl! they said.  We spent about 2 hours with her before they told me to get a few hours of sleep.  They whisked my baby away.

In the morning, I was awakened by our new pediatrician.  She told me Lea had a "dusky spell" while they fed her.  She said to call my husband so we could discuss the situation.  Brad arrived quickly.  The doctor then told us she suspected Down syndrome.  She said "heart problem."  She said "mentally retarded."  She said we need a geneticist to know for sure.  We need a cardiologist.  Then she did the best thing she could have done.  She sat there quietly while we cried.  When we were done, she asked if we had any questions.  She explained Down syndrome.  She said Lea would lead a great life with some therapy.  She said we were blessed. 

Still, I was grieving the loss of the baby I thought I was having!  I was grieving the loss of PERFECTION.

All of Lea's problems were swirling around my head.  I did not call one person on my list to tell them she was born.  I could not say the words "Down syndrome" without sobbing uncontrollably.  They moved Lea to the special care nursery.  They wouldn't let us in for hours as she was having testing done.

Finally, the time came.  We were gowned up and washed down.  My fear of everything about Down syndrome and heart problems had me a bundle of nerves.  Then, I saw her.  She had an IV in her head.  She was the sweetest, most precious thing I could imagine!  I held her for the first time since all of the bad news.  And then I REALLY saw her.  And guess what??  Perfection!  The nurse took this picture at the moment I realized she WAS perfect.  God gave her to us for a reason and she would be ok!  We were a family now, and we would all be ok.

Happy Sweet Sixteen to our perfect blessing, Lea Renee!

Slipping Away

October 7, 2013

If you had asked me about a year ago to describe my Dad in one word, I would have said "capable."  He could fix anything.  He could tell me how to get anywhere, like my own personal GPS.  He could cook some good stuff, including his Southern Mama's biscuits and gravy and peanut butter fudge.  He could help me with my faith journey when I had questions.  He could help me through the challenges that come with having a daughter with special needs.  I could go on all day about all he could do!

We saw some slight changes in his abilities, but only now and then.  Nothing to alarm us.

Then we had the great opportunity to go to Germany for a few months because of Brad's work.  We Skyped and he seemed fine!  My Mom, being with him every day, probably didn't notice the changes.

But when the girls and I returned from Germany only 3 months later, we found a different man than the one we left.  The first thing he said when he was helping us unload our suitcases was "You won't believe how bad our memories are now!"  That was an understatement.  Except my Mom was fine.

I am not just talking about hearing the same stories a few times.  Or him asking me the same question over and over.  I am talking about the handiest man I have ever known not being able to find the electrical panel.  The one he rewired and even got a huge sparking shock working on before!  I am talking about him ripping the invisible fence wire right out of the ground, the one he helped Brad install.  "I thought it was a weed, I'm sorry" he said.  MY Dad would have known that the bright yellow wire in the ground was not a weed, even if he hadn't installed it.  MY Dad would never in a million years take the toilet apart to fix a leak and then leave it unfinished.  MY Dad wouldn't have even the remotest possibility of forgetting how to turn on the DVD player.  For Pete's sake, when I was growing up, his stereo system had 12 components and a thousand buttons on it.

MY Dad is slipping away.  Vascular dementia is the diagnosis.  There is no cure.  The blood vessels in his brain haven't worked right for awhile now, although no one knew.  This has caused irreparable damage to his brain.

Because my parents live with us, we have to watch him slip away daily.  Some days are better than others, but already I would never describe him as "capable."  It's hard for all of us.  Instead of asking him to help when something isn't working right, we have to hide whatever is broken because he will only make it worse, unintentionally.  I'm not sure I can describe the sadness this brings to us.  My Mom has lost a partner and gained a child she has to drive around and keep an eye on all the time.  My kids have lost the Granddad who put the batteries in all of their toys and electronics.  My husband has lost a good friend, a mentor.  And I have lost my capable Dad, whom I have counted on for 44 years to take care of any problem I have.

It's not all bad, really!  In some ways, he is MORE present than before.  He didn't often come to Lea's sports practices.  Always the games, but not the practices.  Now he enjoys that.  He always loved his little Great Grands, but they were more Grandma's thing.  Now he sits and laughs and doesn't mind playing with them.  He tells me he loves me.  A lot.  This is pretty new.  I always knew he loved me growing up and beyond.  It just wasn't something we said out loud to each other.  I don't know why, I think it wasn't really his style.  But it is now!  He often grabs me out of the blue, a huge smile on his face, and says "I love you!"  Or "Ah, you are so great!" when I am doing something that is not even that great.  He really tries to be productive and helpful and offers to set the table and clean up, things that NEVER occurred in all my years!

I am hanging onto these good moments.  These good changes in his brain.  There are many, many things to be upset about.  Things we have lost forever.  And research all shows this will only get worse.  But if I document these little bits of new goodness in him, it will make me feel better about what is happening.

A huge part of an amazing man is gone, with more slipping away all the time.  But God is blessing us with parts of my Dad's personality that we never got to see before.  I am looking forward to seeing what else He will show us.

Megan

May 9, 2013

I have written and rewritten this post a few times.  I can't get it right.  You see, it's about my niece, Megan.  She passed away July 27, 2011, but we really lost her on this very date, 2 years ago.  The details are too harsh, too tragic, to write about.  I don't want to focus on how she died, why she died.  I don't want to give the man that took her from us any mention.  I want to focus her.

I think I can describe her using all S words.  Sweet, spunky, smart, sassy, spoiled.  And might I add stunning?

We enjoyed her so much during those little kid years.  She enjoyed us a little less...after all, Granddad DID feed her a bad bologna sandwich.  She grew up to be a vegetarian!  She was always smart and funny.  She had so many friends!  The outpouring of love during her almost 3 month long coma was staggering.  It seems everyone loved our Meggie!

She grew away from us a bit during the high school years.  But she came back.  We were lucky to attend her high school graduation.  We began to see her again at family parties.  She always loved her niece and nephews and her cousins, my Girls.  She had plenty of patience with them all.  The last time we saw her alive and well was a few weeks before this date, on Easter.  She sat with her little niece and nephews and helped them open presents.  I am thankful for that day.

She is sorely missed, but I have many memories to hang on to.  I am so blessed to have had her in my life for 20 years!

Who I Am

March 20, 2013

Tomorrow is World Down Syndrome Day!  Because it's 3/21 and DS comes from having 3 of the 21st chromosome.  It's the perfect day of the year to bring awareness, don't you think?

The International Down Syndrome Coalition has a campaign going...a Blog Fest, if you will.  Calling all bloggers!  Tell us about you and Down syndrome!

Me and Lea, at a castle in Germany!

I've been thinking about it for a week.  I could write a book (or 2) on the topic!  So I decided to narrow it down and focus on Who I Am Now.  Because it's different than who I was when Lea was born, 18 years ago.  Or who I was when she was in Early Intervention, starting public school, starting homeschooling, joining Special Olympics teams.

Who I was on Oct. 15, 1994

Who I Was comes into play an awful lot, though!  My inner Control Freak is having a hard time.  (Who am I kidding?  My Control Freak was never "inner."  She is always right on the outside!)  Since the minute Lea was born, my Control Freak took over.  Let's understand something here.  Being a Control Freak has negative connotations, but it's not all bad!  It meant I got her the best doctors from the get-go!  Pediatricians, geneticist, cardiologist, ophthalmologist, endocrinologist, and a very scary (but turned out good!) visit to a hematologist/oncologist.  It meant I started fighting for her rights as soon as I realized I needed to...at 3 weeks old, when the local school district was dragging their feet on getting her started with her therapies.  That Control Freak was with me the whole way through her public school years, enjoying the many good things that came of it, but Freaking Out at the bad.  And finally, that Control Freak convinced me I could do a better job at home!  (Oh, and a big shout out to God, who gave me that idea!  Woo hoo, thanks, God!)

So Lea graduated from our little homeschool last summer.  Look at her now!

Daddy, Lainie, Lea and Mommy

Isn't that fabulous?  She is done, she is 18!  Wait....(insert that record scratching noise here)....done?  My Control Freak doesn't like that!  For the past 18 years, I was in charge of her EVERYTHING.  It's ok...take a deep breath, I tell my Control Freak.  All of that Control Freakishness was done for the good of the kids.  You still need to do what's best for her!  What's best for her is...letting go.  WHAT?  Yes, you know it's true.  I DO?  Yes.  *sigh* Yeah, you're right.

First step was summer camp.  Away from home for a week!  It was a camp for people with special needs.  They have an excellent staff!  Control Freak: Oh yeah?  Well, she can't eat gluten and milk products.  They will never handle that!  (Which they did, with perfection!)  What if they....What if they don't....Stop it!  She will be fine.  She will not just be fine, she will thrive!  Look here, Control Freak!!

Enjoying the sprinkler at Skyline Camp

See?  Not only did they take great care of her, but they took tons of pictures so me and my Control Freak could see her every day!

But wait, what's this?  She is an official ADULT now?  We have a great program through our public schools (gasp!) that can help her learn to be independent.  (Starting to hyperventilate)  It's ok...they give us parents a lot of information and a say in what she does there.  She is having a terrific time and learning tons!  (Feeling a little calmer.)

But wait, what's this?  As an adult, she is entitled to some disability services from the government.  Oh boy, here we go.  (Can you say paperwork?)  In comes an agency to help her get Medicaid, Social Security and  respite services.  (Because we BOTH need a break from each other!)  But this agency does not represent us.  They represent HER.  They work in her best interest.  But, says Control Freak, what about me?  Don't I get a say in this?  Yes, your opinion matters.  But bottom line is they are here to protect and help Lea.  Lea...who is learning to make her own decisions.  (Her OWN decisions?  ACK!!!)  Yes, Mama, she can do it!  Look who she picked as her respite caregiver!

Claudine...one of the sweetest women on earth!  Who cares about Lea just as much as I do!

Oh, OK.  Hmmm, so Lea gets to have sleepovers, go to fun places and have a BFF?  And I don't have to worry or control anything?  Yep.  This is getting good.

So then Who I Am is a recovering Control Freak?  No.  I still have 15 year old Lainie to worry about!

LOL, it's just a prop cigarette!  But it highlights the dangers of giving up my Control Freak :)

Who I Am Now is the mother of an adult and an almost-adult.  I can see the benefits of being involved in every aspect of their lives.  I can also see that my little birdies need to spread their wings and fly!  I certainly made some mistakes (thanks to you, Control Freak.)  But being there for them along the way has helped me give them the tools they need to be free.  Who I Am Now is a Mama watching her babies grow up.  And loving it.

Parisians :)

What The R Word Means To Me

March 6, 2013

Today is the annual day of awareness about the R word.  "Spread the word to end the word," they say.

The R word...retarded, retard.  I can barely write it.  It hurts!  Let me tell you why.

Here is my beautiful daughter, Lea.

In Paris, Feb. 2013

Lea has Down syndrome.  Down syndrome comes with many challenges, one of which is her cognitive abilities.  Yes, Lea is, medically speaking, retarded.  Actually, even medically speaking, this is no longer the correct term.  It used to just mean slow.  But over the years, people have misused the term and twisted it into something ugly.

Before you argue about this, let me assure you I have heard all of the excuses, the justifications.  "I don't mean YOUR daughter!"  "I would NEVER call Lea that!"  "I don't mean a person, I just mean something is dumb."  "It's not even offensive."  "I won't say it in front of you!"

You are not getting the point.  Of course you won't call Lea the R word!  But using it in any form is hurtful to ME.  Whether or not you are calling my daughter the R word, your use of it is perpetuating a very bad stereotype of her.  You are right about one thing...it is not offensive to Lea.  That is because Lea is forgiving. Lea is kind.  Lea would not be hurt by that word.  But I am.  I AM.  Isn't THAT enough for you to stop saying it?  I may be standing behind you in line at the grocery store.  I may be sitting near you in a restaurant. I may be shopping in your store.  I am not asking you to stop saying the word around me.  I am asking you to stop saying the word.  Period.

You never know who is listening.