tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21897212990295109372024-03-05T18:01:23.151-08:00B L 4My blog title refers to some very important people: Brad, Lori, Lea, Lainie and the Lord!Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-615347484349201242017-10-16T20:18:00.001-07:002017-10-16T20:18:10.521-07:00A Post by Lainie. Disclaimer: RAW, EMOTIONAL FEELINGS CONTAINED. I didn't sleep the night before.<br />
I have always struggled with bouts of insomnia, be it from anxiety or just simple worry. Some nights I have difficulty sleeping.<br />
That night was different.<br />
I thought that something was wrong. Every part of me wanted to do something to fix how I was feeling, but the feeling just wouldn't go away. I didn't understand what it was at the time.<br />
I got up in the middle of the night to get some water, and I found the front door to be wide open. I knew that must have been the reason my brain wouldn't let me sleep, and I closed and locked the door and went back to bed with my glass of water.<br />
I slept maybe 3 hours when I heard them leave for the airport. I had given my mom a big hug and kiss right before she went to sleep, and I told her I love her and that I would miss her until she got back.<br />
She wouldn't be back, though.<br />
Bear with me as I write this, on the blog that used to be (and will forever still be) my mom's. It is oh, so painful, but I know that I need to get it out. I also feel it might be something some of you need to read.<br />
I texted her as soon as I got up. It was about 9:30, and their plane was almost ready to leave. I sent her pictures of our dog, who had dragged me out of bed to lay with her. My mom said she felt anxious, because she always hated flying. I told her I loved her, to have fun, and that she would be okay.<br />
Again, very painful, but if you're still with me I thank you.<br />
I am blessed that that was the last thing she heard from me. I really am.<br />
I will not go through the details of hearing about her death. It was the most horrible moment, and I could not do justice to explain. I just sunk into the floor, and forgot about everything else. I was also blessed that I was with Phoenix and his mom who were able to somehow take care of whatever I was in that moment. I could never thank them for all they did that day.<br />
That day was so difficult. I know difficult seems like a rather trivial way to phrase it, but that is honestly what it was. It was harder than the other days, I think because instead of feeling singular emotions in waves like I do now, it was literally every single emotion going through me at the exact same time. Pain, fear, sorrow, anger, confusion, rage, emptiness. But I also felt incredibly <i>blessed</i>. That was another thing that was so difficult. My good friend for a long time and her mom came over as soon as they heard. My cousin was there, and some of my mom's friends for many years from our homeschooling community came, as did some of her childhood close family friends. My aunts and uncles came. Everyone was surrounding me and my family while we waited for my dad to get back to us.<br />
Time was not even real that day. Phoenix just held me the whole time, and rubbed my temples periodically to try and ease all the physical pain that came from the intensity of emotions that had ripped through me. I kept falling asleep, as if my brain just had to shut down now and then to protect itself from feeling too much.<br />
I was a puddle of a person, lying in the middle of the floor.<br />
The people that surrounded me, just telling me to feel things and that there isn't a wrong way to act, and especially <u>just <i>being</i> there </u>meant so much to me. I felt like God had me in that moment right in the palm of God's metaphorical hand. And that, let me tell you, was a difficult feeling to have. But I remember noticing the forces I felt. And it was comforting.<br />
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We can flash forward to now, a little more than 5 entire months later.<br />
Things are still SO difficult. But in a new way. It of course got better from that first day, but as I now understand, grief is not a linear process. There are ups, there are downs, but I am ultimately better after each low point.<br />
The thing about my mom, though, is that she really was a self-named control freak. That woman was the most amazing mother, homemaker, and business woman I have ever been blessed to know. My family was so lucky to have her when we did, but I've discovered we can barely do a thing without her. I don't know how she did it all, when even a fraction of it is so hard for me to remember. My school payments, dinner at home, buying whole foods, keeping up with oils? Yeah, no. That is too much for one person, and she did so much more than just those things. I wish I could have her teach me all these things, but I have been learning. We all have.<br />
I am glad that I am where I am now.<br />
I wasn't proud of the things I thought the first few weeks.<br />
The people I had picked who could have died instead.<br />
Wishing we weren't so incredibly close, because maybe that would be less painful.<br />
Thinking maybe it was all just a sick, twisted nightmare that I had so often dreamed.<br />
The times I wished I wasn't the spitting image of her, because it was too painful to see her in me right away.<br />
Wondering why, just why God would pick our family.<br />
But God doesn't choose who the bad stuff happens to. Life is a mofo, and God can only help. That is my personal belief. And honestly, looking at my family and how strong we always have been, I know that sure, we were left completely shattered by the death of our beautiful Lori, but because our foundation is Jesus we have been able to rebuild together a lot better than we ever would have if we didn't have Him.<br />
I wasn't proud of the things I thought those first few weeks, BUT I am proud of who I am now.<br />
Not in spite of death, but because I know my mom lived every moment to the fullest. She traveled to all the places she wanted to see, many times even. She had a beautiful marriage, and did a great job raising her kids to be women she was proud of. She died of natural causes. SO many people loved her with all their hearts. She touched people's lives that she never even met. All around the world was she mourned, and hearts are still broken from the loss of her magnificence. And I'm so proud that I look just like her, too.<br />
I miss talking to her. Getting her silly texts, receiving care packages here at the dorms even though it would save $5 to just drive 10 minutes over to here and hand it to me.<br />
But it makes me feel a little better to see her friends post on Facebook about how they miss her, too. How they saw something and thought of her. How it's just not the same anymore to go through their news feed and not have her "realness". How she inspired people.<br />
I looked up "lori stull blog" to try and get on to this page and write this tonight, and instead I found two blogs written about her by her good friends a short time after she died. So much love was out there for her, and we all were rocked by it. It's just nice to know that it's not just my family and me who still miss her. It's not just us who think of her each day, and wish we could just have a little more time.<br />
It's all of us who had the honor of knowing her.<br />
And I am proud of that. The magnitude of grief caused by one, single person is beautiful to me. It makes it clear just how inspiring, loving, hilarious, and fierce my Mommy was.<br />
So yes, I am doing okay now. I have an amazing support system always around me. People brought food and whatever we needed the first few months, and it helped so much. It's been rough coming back to school. Harder than I expected, but I am making it. It will all be okay.<br />
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To wrap up this post (because I know it was all over the place), I just want to say that I can't STAND one phrase that I hear people say, mostly to other people going through a hard time.<br />
<b>"God never gives you more than you can handle!"</b><br />
Well, my friends, that is complete bullsh*t.<br />
We are absolutely, 100%, given more than we can handle. I'm just a person, and I can only handle so much. That is a simple fact, and sometimes it utterly sucks. Like, really, the DAY before Mother's day? F-you, world.<br />
However, do not fear! I am not so pessimistic, just wait for my wisdom bomb that is about to drop...<br />
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I believe that sometimes, you are given way more than you can handle.<br />
<b>But we are never given anything that God cannot handle.</b><br />
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Boom! That was it. Get it? There is nothing that is more than God can and will handle.<br />
That is what keeps me holding on. The fact that I can't carry this burden does not matter, because I don't have to carry it. I have God on my side, and Jesus suffered more than I ever will have to, and because of that my Mommy is up in Heaven right now. And I am surrounded by people here on earth who love me, and who will always help take care of me.<br />
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Thank you for your time, and I hope my first crack at this blog was worth your time and/or tears. I know it is hard for us all. I feel a lot better having got this all out, and I hope you maybe got something out of reading it. Maybe you didn't, and maybe not one person will read this! That would be okay. This was cathartic for me, and I have been meaning to do this for a while. I hope if you were friends with my mom and read this that you know how much you meant to her, and mean to me as well.<br />
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Much love,<br />
LainieLainiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12093784922554765598noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-86158991523258943342017-03-18T16:26:00.001-07:002017-03-18T16:26:42.657-07:00It's Hospice TimePlease don't be sad. I know the title is sad. But this post is actually about being blessed!<br />
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Most people think Hospice means the end in imminent...weeks or even days away. But you can qualify for Hospice care if you are expected to be on this earth for 6 months or less. And you can be re-certified if you surpass that mark. I didn't know that.<br />
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My Dad has reached this point. His dementia coupled with the new diagnosis of congestive heart failure mean he probably won't be with us for very much longer. <br />
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The first thing to point out here is that my Dad (the REAL guy, not this one with dementia) was always a strong believer in Jesus. He helped show the love of Christ to hundreds of kids over about 25 years or so in a church Youth Club program. And he was there so long that he did the same for some of THEIR kids! He was a Lay Leader in the church, very involved. He literally helped run just about every aspect of his church. He knew what lay ahead and that our time here on earth is temporary. It's hard to feel very sad especially since I read Imagine Heaven by John Burke and I really learned what is in store for my Dad when he gets there. He gets to be with my brother! He gets to be with his sister, and with one of his best friends who went ahead of him. He gets to be with Jesus, and be 100% healed! No more pain.<br />
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Pain. That brings me to what has been on my mind so much lately. The pain of dementia. Now, admittedly, MUCH of that pain is ours. He has been gone for a long time now. We see a little bit of him peeking through now and then. But mostly, he is gone. That hurts us, a LOT. What some people don't realize is that he is mentally in pain very often. Anguish, sometimes. There was a doctor at the hospital who was in charge of his care and this man didn't seem to understand that pain. His goal seemed to be to remove as much of those calming medications as he could. "He is too sedated," is what he told me. Yes, some of those dementia related meds make him sleepy. But you know what? Sleepy and calm is better than confused, nervous, angry, sad, agitated, frustrated. Can you imagine feeling all of those emotions all day and all night, 24/7?<br />
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Enter the Hospice team. So far, these people get it. His nurse today gave me a new perspective on his crankiness as well...he is quite possibly feeling physical pain somewhere, and he just can't describe it, so it comes out as these emotions. So that is yet another view. What has been incredible to me so far with Hospice is that they understand my Dad shouldn't have to feel all those nasty emotions these last months of his life. They are all about his comfort and happiness. It's such a blessing! They also provide so much help, with supplies, equipment, medical personnel, bathing. They make this process so much easier. <br />
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When you don't have to worry about the long term effects of certain drugs, there are different doses you can give. My Dad had some extremely rough times in the past month (hospital and rehab center) where he was the meanest person you could imagine (NOT his pre-dementia personality). He doesn't have to feel that way now, and we don't have to hear him talk that way anymore. He has gotten physical a few times with my mom, nothing serious (YET...) and we can now avoid that with meds before he reaches that extreme level of agitation. <br />
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Thankfully, he loves my essential oils and lets me apply them to him, diffuse them, and I made him a little aromatherapy inhaler that he is enjoying. I have become very into avoiding medicine for my own family whenever possible! However, to see him without it...it is NOT a pretty sight. I will continue to oil him up, I will welcome the Hospice aromatherapist with open arms (and an open notebook so I can learn from him!) We will use the oils as a supplement to his meds, and will gladly use everything medical Hospice has to offer to keep him calm and happy.<br />
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I shouldn't speak for my mom, but I am :) We are both feeling relieved for everything they can do to help him. It IS sad to know his diseases mean he won't be here much longer. But he is already not here. Dementia started taking him from us FOUR years ago. Hospice will help him have peace, and that is just priceless. He is definitely having more happy moments here at home than he did when he was hospitalized. And most of the time, when he is angry, it's at my Mom and he thinks I am the big hero! I am relishing those moments while my Mom just rolls her eyes. We have to laugh, it's the only way to survive this! One funny story, he uses eye drops often because of eye issues he has. He lost his drops at the rehab center and she gave him the bottle from her purse when she got there one morning. I came in a bit later, and he showed me the eye drops and told me the others were gone. The next day, he was mad at my mom for not giving him eye drops, and went on and on thanking me for the drops. (that SHE brought him hahahahah) So Brad and I are often the Golden ones. hahahaha Mom!!<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know we still have many challenges ahead. But I have given it to God. Well, that sounds past tense, like it's done. I have to continually give it to God. He never promised things would be easy and wonderful. He DID promise this, though: </span><span style="color: red; font-family: inherit;">"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> (Jeremiah 29:11) I find comfort in this verse, because it tells me that everything will be ok. My Dad taught me to trust in Jesus, and that is what I need to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This song gives me so much comfort as well. Please give it a good listen!</span></div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm_u9BjxahA">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm_u9BjxahA</a></div>
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Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-33574163787436425872016-09-23T12:16:00.000-07:002016-09-23T12:16:26.844-07:00No Mom Guilt Here!OK that title isn't quite true. It's what I'm working toward. The current situation is Brad and I leave for Germany in less than a week. For 17 days. Without kids. During their birthdays.<br />
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*read the title, Lori*<br />
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Taking deep breaths. It sounded like a great idea at the time! We haven't been away, just the two of us, for years. And this is REALLY away. This is so away that if anything happens back home, there is nothing we can do. It still IS a good idea! It's just been a bit of roller coaster of emotions for me. (And I am only speaking for me. Brad has zero Dad Guilt...is that even a thing? Not around here.) He had to make a trip to the lovely Augsburg, Bavaria for work. FOR WORK....key words. That means his flight, a week of hotel/car/meals are covered. So all I need is a plane ticket and a few bucks to join in!! How could I say no? Then Brad went and threw a side trip to PARIS in there. He sealed the deal. We were there for a weekend 3.5 years ago when we lived in Germany for a short time. <br />
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I fell in love with Paris. I know how cliche that sounds. But it's in my soul. I absolutely loved that city! Even though we were there in Feb. and it was frigid out. Brad knows the way to my heart, he always has. He knew I would never let my Mom Guilt take over and prevent me from going with him.<br />
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He has always had a good understanding of needing to have dates and spend quality time together for our relationship. He knew this would help us connect. That's not always easy. While it gets easier in some ways because we have older kids, there are still work stresses and family stresses and parenting an adult child with special needs stresses and aging parent stresses that get between us. There have been times we weren't sure we would even make it. But lately it's been good. Even though we are past the huge issues (for now....hopefully forever, but let's be real....) we still don't always talk every day. I mean REALLY talk. About our dreams for the future. About our goals. About US. I never want to hear him say again "are you even happy? Because I am not happy." We have to do this for us. Which actually IS FOR THE KIDS! That's why I am trying really hard to fight that Mom Guilt. <br />
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We leave on Lainie's 19th birthday. We most likely won't see her that day. She is living in the dorms at school, and it's only a few miles away. But with her classes and us packing and getting to the airport, we probably won't be able to see her on that day. We fly home the day after Lea's 22nd birthday. That end date of our trip was non-negotiable. Since Brad is flying from Germany to Hungary for a business meeting and not returning until the night before her birthday, there would have been no way we could have made it home anyway to see her on her day. (Our start date could have been flexible, but ticket prices are much better on a Thursday!) Anyway, I have never not seen their faces in person on their birthdays. Never. Mom Guilt....<br />
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They both agreed that they would be fine with this whole trip. No guilt necessary! But here it is, a few days away, and it's creeping in....<br />
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I need to keep in mind what my friend just told me. She just went on an amazing vacation with her husband, something they really needed as well. She said they connected in a way they hadn't done in so long. She said she would pray the same for us....that we would find the same connection on our trip. Wow, that warmed my heart! I know people will pray for our safe travels, and that is fantastic, but to know someone is praying for our LOVE....well, that made my day!<br />
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Life is good. Brad has a good job that he does well with, and a recent promotion to keep him challenged. My business is the most fun thing I have ever done professionally. Our girls are amazing loving wonderful people. Our parents love us. But we all have stress, right? Brad lost his step dad and his dad within a few months of each other. I have blogged before about Lea's struggles with depression. That hurts us, too. Lainie has her own struggles...trying to be grown when she doesn't always feel grown. My parents live in our house. (SIDE NOTE: this is an incredible blessing in more ways than it is stressful!! But it's still stressful....) My dad's dementia is from the devil himself. Sometimes it's hard to just chill out at home when there is all this on our minds. And let's get down to it, People. When you travel to fabulous places, without children, you are gonna have some great sex. (I warned my kids not to read this....if you went against my wishes, Girls, this is your punishment. hahahaha) Who couldn't use that? That is not always an easy thing, being at home. While I am now blushing, I will say we all know it's true. Part of that great connection between Man and Wife is sexual. If you need to get away to get that part right, then by all means, GO! <br />
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OK this has taken a turn that is slightly uncomfortable. Back to the Eiffel Tower...<br />
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We will celebrate our 24th anniversary in Paris...so much a dream come true that I can't even fathom it! We will spend so much time together that we have to come back better connected! And possibly a little sick of each other. But I will take it!! We will get to visit some of the greatest people we know that live over in Germany. True friends, and by deepening our relationships with them, we deepen our relationship with each other. We get to visit our German "daughter" Anne, whom I love almost as much as our biological daughters!! Someone who changed our family's life forever. I know there will be some disagreements. We ARE Brad and Lori after all. (OK seriously, in all honesty, you may be shocked to find out that I am not always easy to live with.) I can already predict that we will argue about my Mom Guilt...I will tell him at some point that we shouldn't have come, it's so hard for me to be away from them and leave so much responsibility to my Mom and literally a team of friends to help Lea get where she needs to be. He will tell me to just not think about it. I will tell him I can't. But then he will give me some chocolate or a Spezi (my fave German drink ever) and I will look into those blue eyes that still take me down...and I will be fine. I will remember it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but you need the rain to remember how great those things are. I will probably remember how we really almost lost each other a few times, but we kept fighting for us. And I will remember that the greatest gift we can give our girls is for us to be happily married. To each other. haha. Even if we have to miss birthdays and open gifts via FaceTime. Even if Grandma wants to kill us by the time it's over because she has to take care of these monster dogs of ours. Even if I have to give up control of things here for 17 days (but who's counting.) He is worth it. WE are worth it.<br />
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It's you and me until the end, Poopie. (sorry that is your nickname. too late to change it now.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bread is really good in Europe. This has nothing to do with connecting to Brad. But I will also connect with Bread.</td></tr>
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Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-31040489161541771182016-08-28T19:23:00.000-07:002016-08-28T19:23:24.810-07:00It Ain't Over Til It's OverI was listening to my Lenny Kravitz faves today, and this song is #1 for me. When he played it last summer in concert, I SCREAMED like a school girl and hugged Brad while jumping up and down, as if he had anything to do with Lenny's playlist! <div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmENMZFUU_0">It Ain't Over Til It's Over</a></div>
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We have been through so much together. (Me -n- Brad. Not me -n- Lenny.) Even from the beginning of US. We lived in 2 different countries for our FOUR dating years!! That's not easy. During that time, I lost my brother, my only sibling. Brad lost an uncle he was close to. Then we had the usual issues of people first married/first living together. I remember saying at least a million times in those first years "I just want my own towel." Oh, and also "I just want my own toothbrush." How does someone like me, that is annoyed by almost everything, marry someone like him who doesn't even care whose toothbrush he uses? I would absolutely rather NOT brush my teeth than use someone else's toothbrush. Anyway, that's the small stuff. I didn't think so at the time. But it is. Also, I have learned to keep my towel out of reach of the shower. Muahahaha that will show him!</div>
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He put up with me through my partial bedrest during the last few weeks of my first pregnancy. We survived...no we THRIVED...when we found out our baby had Down syndrome. Many couples don't even make it through having a child with special needs. This wasn't all fun and games, though. We didn't see eye to eye on MANY parenting issues, with both girls. His laid back, just let it happen personality didn't always mesh with my control freak, just let me do it and make it perfect personality. (This may or may not still be an issue for us....)</div>
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There were always issues with our extended families. Like most couples have. I won't go into a lot of detail here, but there was usually something going on with our parents. That time that Brad and my Dad were screaming at each other in our living room, and Brad yelled "F#*% You!" Yeah, that was awkward. (It all turned out ok...just so you know.)</div>
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"So many tears we cried, so much pain inside." Yep. We caused each other so much pain, so often. My high (and admittedly unrealistic) expectations of him. His fear of disappointing me that led him to hide stuff from me, even if it was no biggie. "So many years we tried to keep our love alive." Have you married folks ever heard your spouse say "Are you happy? Because I am not happy." And you can't even be upset that he isn't happy, because NO you are not happy? Those conversations were hard. Gut-wrenching hard.</div>
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We attended a Marriage Encounter weekend. That's where you spend a weekend listening to speakers who talk about marriage, and you learn a communication technique where you write to each other. It was a very helpful thing!! I highly recommend it.</div>
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Then came our BIG stuff. I don't think either of us really care to share that here in a blog. I can tell you that no one cheated. But that doesn't mean it wasn't big huge marriage killing stuff. I truly didn't think we would make it. But we found a counselor and went through our first counseling sessions. I don't know what that is like for other people, but we DID know we had a lot of love between us. We decided we had to invest in us. We didn't have much money at the time, and counseling is freaking expensive. But we kind of made a date night out of it each week for a few months. We rode Brad's motorcycle there, which is kind of intimate anyway. It's hard to be mad at someone who has your life in his hands (or be mad at someone who is holding on to you for dear life. Depending on which seat you are in.) So it wasn't over yet! We made it!</div>
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A few years after this, God led us to a new church. Away from the denomination I had spent my entire life in. We found Christ in a whole new way. We learned so much, and we started putting Him in our marriage. All those years of church going, but He was never at the center.</div>
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A terrible tragedy happened in our family...I have shared the details before. Bottom line is that my 20 year old niece was murdered by her father. This had (still has) a huge impact on just about every aspect of my life, including our marriage. Not because Brad had anything to do with it, of course. It's just that something so horrific seeps into your being. But he stuck with me and helped me through the whole thing. And he understands the fact that this will always be a part of us. Sad, but true.</div>
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Then came more BIG stuff. Different big stuff. Still no cheating, don't worry kids! But big nonetheless. This time, we chose a Christian counselor. Honestly, it was a bit awkward. He was a very quiet dude. We talked and spilled our guts and he never cut in to say anything. Once we were done, he would remain silent for what seemed like 10 minutes, then he would drop these TRUTH BOMBS on us that just about took our breath away. It was worth the wait to hear what he would say! By helping us put Christ between us even more, he helped us stay married, which was obviously such a blessing.</div>
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Do we still have problems? No. We are perfect and never fight. hahahaha just kidding. We argue, we disagree. We just know that most of it is NOT big stuff. He tells me more stuff (yay Brad!) and I try not to overreact (yay me!) and when we mess up, we forgive. I'm sure the 24 years of marriage has made us more wise, but I know that one big change I made is that I pray for him all the time. For work, for his situations that bug him, for God to just be with him and help him through his days. I am sure this had made a big difference!</div>
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Why am I telling you this? Because over the past several months, marriage counseling has come up for one reason or another in a few conversations. And people have thanked me for sharing that we have needed help, because maybe they need help, too, and it feels better knowing others have gone through some shit, too. It's hard to believe that people have said to me "Oh, you guys seem so happy all the time!" haha #facebook (As if I would post "Brad left his dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper AGAIN" or he would post "OMG why won't she stop nagging me about those dirty clothes?")</div>
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"How many times did we give up, but we always worked things out. And all my doubts and fears have kept me wondering, yeah, if I'd always, always be in love"</div>
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We may not always be "IN LOVE" every minute. But Baby, it ain't over til it's over.</div>
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Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-48273051513521471112016-06-12T07:19:00.001-07:002016-06-12T07:19:55.241-07:00Not Fair.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's the anniversary of a terrible day. The day my brother Scott died. 27 years ago. That sounds like forever ago. It IS forever ago. It's a lifetime. I was just a "kid" then, 20 years old and in college. I had just started dating the love of my life.</div>
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Scott was just 25. He had 2 tiny kids who were not quite 2 and 3. His diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukemia came in April 1989. I was living in the dorms at school when my mom called me. I clearly remember standing in our little foyer on the phone (back when phones were connected to the wall with a cord). I remember her saying "the doctor says the average life span with this disease is 6 years." I remember thinking, SIX YEARS? That is just not fair. His kids will still be so young! OMG. What I would have given if the 6 years actually came true....</div>
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It was just 2 short months before his body went into a blast crisis....when those horrible immature white blood cells blast through the body, the marrow not even able to make the stuff it needs to make. I remember being alone for a moment in his hospital room. He was intubated and so sick. He began to gag and choke on that tube. I didn't know what to do. I was 20. (Would I even know now, at 47?) I cried and ran out to find a nurse. Why didn't I stay and just comfort him? That's all he needed, to calm down. It's just not fair that he had to go through that. That I had to see it. He died a few days later after being "brain dead" for a time. (A casualty of this is that even now, when people make jokes about being brain dead because they are so tired, this is where my brain goes. To him laying there.)</div>
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You know what's really not fair? Since he was 5 1/2 years older than me, with no other siblings between us, we didn't really hang out much as kids. When I entered kindergarten, he was in 6th grade, I think. He was supposed to walk me to school, but as soon as we were out of sight from our house, he would run away. *brothers* He was just so much older, and a boy, and we really had nothing in common as kids. He was also a trouble maker, and I was a good kid. He ran away from home a few times, had trouble with the police. I believe he was 12 when he stole our moms car and went driving.....Not the kind of role model a young girl wants to be with. Sure, there are good memories of Christmas morning and stuff. (Even those Christmases where I knew all my gifts, because he found them and told me, with me in tears.) It's not fair that I don't have 8 million stories about growing up together. Brad and sister can laugh like hyenas for hours about their 8 million stories together. Scott and I just didn't have a lot of that.</div>
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Fast forward. He gets married. He has some kids. And he becomes a great dad! He was still a partier and was by no means an angel. But he really seemed to enjoy being a dad. I was in college and we started actually <i>talking.</i> Like 2 adults. I still remember when he called me for the first time EVER, I was in that same foyer at my dorm, and he called me to say hi. He told me about being excited for a new job. I was getting my mom's old car, and was giving him my old car (OK I was the spoiled one.) He was excited for that. He asked me questions about my car which of course I didn't know the answers to. "Um, it's white." I remember that feeling SO clearly to this day, being so uplifted that he actually LIKED me. I always knew he loved me. But now, we were peers. We were adults. We were becoming friends. He liked me! </div>
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Thankfully he met Brad. Sometimes it's easy to focus on who didn't get to meet a departed loved one. He never knew my kids. Hell, he never knew HIS kids. They were just babies. He never knew their kids....his grandkids. He has 9 of them! NOT FAIR. But what a blessing that even though he didn't get to know Brad very well, they did know each other for a couple of months. </div>
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These days, my "it's not fair" tantrums in my head are all about my parents. He isn't here to help us with this phase of life. Quite frankly, it's a shitty phase. Dementia is so horrible. Why isn't Scott here to help? Make a place in HIS basement for our dad? Hold my mom while she cries, because while his body is still here, she has completely lost her soul mate? Why can't he be here to talk to our dad and try to convince him to turn that TV down before I lose my mind? Why isn't he here to help Brad put locks on the doors to the furnace room, the electric panel, the sump pump because our dad likes to "fix" things? Why isn't he here to help our dad with the catheter he had? Why isn't he here to just LIKE me again? Chat on the phone? Laugh that our dad brings out his talking Yoda toys to anyone who comes in his room, like a toddler? </div>
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Brad's step Dad and his Dad both passed away very recently. It's so sad, of course, and while I loved them both, too, his pain is different. He has his sister to talk to about that, to share those memories, to discuss what to do to help their mom and step mom make it. Insurance calls. Banking. Financial planning. I take a backseat because it's not my place. Brad helps me a TON with all of my parents stuff. I mean, he is a saint. Truly. But it's not fair that I don't have Scott here to bounce ideas off of. To drive to the hospital when my dad has issues. To take turns. I don't know if it feels this way for people who are only children. I imagine not. Lately I have just been having a big ole pity party that it's NOT FAIR that he left me alone in this. I need someone else who has to deal with this crap with me. I need my brother.</div>
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The pain of losing him is no longer with me every day. I mean, 27 years is a long time. It's not raw. I rarely have those moments now, those split seconds where I think of something I need to tell him. If you have ever lost someone, you know what I am talking about. Time does help heal, for sure. And I will get through all of this with Brad, my girls, my Mom, lots of friends and family. I just wish I had Scott to lean on as well.</div>
Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-47769276525387657352016-02-10T13:38:00.000-08:002016-02-10T13:38:02.927-08:00Black Hole<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Feb. 2016</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some things are overwhelming and private and full of stigma, so we keep them to ourselves. But at church the other day, the message was all about how God can take your terrible story and use it to help someone else. I'm a sucker for helping someone else, so I am going to tell you a story.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">First things first: if you are even reading this, it's because I asked Lea if I could write about it. I wouldn't publish the blog without her reading it first and giving me permission. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A bit of background in case you don't know my family. Lea is 21 and has Down syndrome. She is very active and just fun to be around! She brings a smile to your face when she sees you! She is in a public school program that offers job training and life skills to adults with special needs. While she doesn't have bad behavior issues, she does get herself involved in some drama at school that we could all do without. She is very sensitive to other people's feelings and wants to please everyone. These 2 things (drama mixed with wanting to please) have gotten her into some sticky situations. She often feels very pressured by other students and allows them to make decisions for her. In the last several months especially, she has come home very upset and crying. But people get upset and cry sometimes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We thought Lea was being a bit too dramatic, dragging things out that aren't even her problems. So when she came to us with feelings of self-harm, we were quite shocked. A young woman with Down syndrome? Hurting herself on purpose? No. That doesn't happen! We made an appointment with a new therapist since her former one "released" her awhile ago. (We have a murder in the family that has taken much therapy these past 4.5 years). We knew she should talk to someone. We still weren't grasping the gravity of the situation. The earliest appointment we could get was 3 weeks away, but that flew by as we were packing and moving. Just a couple days before her appointment, she threatened to hurt herself again. Admittedly, our reaction was not great. Again, she has Down syndrome. This doesn't happen to people with DS! I have read a ton in the last 21 years about DS and what it comes with. I have never read about situations like this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Imagine our surprise when the new therapist not only diagnosed Lea with depression, but said she was on the verge of needing to be hospitalized to keep her safe! I certainly lost it then. I wouldn't say I didn't believe she was sad. I just didn't realize it was so REAL. I didn't realize the depth of her pain. "It's like I'm in a black hole," she says. The therapist decided that a hospital stay would be pretty scary for Lea, so she put her in our care with instructions to hide all the sharp objects in our home and not leave her alone at all. Ummm. If you haven't been in this situation, can you just think about that for a sec? The weight of that? (If you have been here, then you already know.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lea went to a local mental health facility for 7 school days instead of school. She was with the adults in their program. I know she heard some pretty adult stuff and problems from the other women. But she did learn some good coping mechanisms and got some tools to learn how to handle her feelings. She also got a prescription and that made ME very unhappy. I hate drugs and chemicals. Have you read the side effects of this stuff? It's just as scary as depression. It can make it WORSE!! WTH. When I say that having her on this drug causes me anxiety, I am not exaggerating. I spent years getting toxins out of my kids' systems and treating them with oils and homeopathy instead. Don't make me put this crap in her body! (and before you say "if she had diabetes and needed meds, would you be upset then?" YES I WOULD. She is still on thyroid meds and it makes me upset. Oils have halved her dose, and I am still working on getting rid of that medicine completely.) There is a time and a place for drugs and when used on a temporary basis, they can be helpful. But how many people are on drugs for depression just temporarily? Have we seen her mood improve? Yes. But with several very unpleasant side effects. </span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-c6d27b7c-cd0e-e93d-d12f-6f533797120c"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The few people that knew about this have been so supportive and kind! I get calls, texts, and even dinner made by a friend while we were in the depths of this! I know we will receive more support once "the whole world" (aka Facebook) knows about it. It's hard to share when it's depression or another mental illness. I don't think there should be a stigma surrounding it, but there IS. But if I hadn't shared with a few people, I wouldn't have had the support. Lea wouldn't have had some people tell her "I struggle with that, too." I also am not ready to be a champion for this cause. There are several things I preach about regularly including Down syndrome and how to make the world a better place by embracing it! I knew that if I let everyone know about this, I will need to be ready for people to send me articles and maybe expect me to speak out about DS and depression. I am writing this, and that is all I can handle right now. It's too new and I am not ready to be the spokesperson for it. Still, I need to tell the story. And people need to know that reaching out for help is the best thing to do.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our girl is hurting and it makes us hurt, too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The point of this whole post is to let others know that depression can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter if you are viewed as the "happiest person" I ever met. Or if you have Down syndrome. It's real and it can do such harm. If Lea's story can help anyone, and I think it can, I want to share it. And she wants to share it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's a big, scary world out there. Just knowing others feel like you do can be comforting.</span>Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-12157757957148048422015-07-27T08:19:00.000-07:002015-07-27T08:19:12.133-07:00Sunburned HeartJuly 27, 2015<br />
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It was on this day 4 years ago that we said goodbye to my niece Megan. She would finally have some peace.<br />
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Almost 3 months prior, she lay sleeping in her bed early one morning. Her father, who adored her for her 20 years, succumbed to what I can only believe is some sort of untreated mental illness, and beat her in the head with a baseball bat. <br />
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I know, it's hard to imagine. You may even stop reading this, as the thought is unbearable. Especially if you are a parent.<br />
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She lay in a coma for a long time, disfigured, unrecognizable except by her pretty purple nail polish. She fought hard, she was a fighter. A terrible infection. Unimaginable injuries. Many surgeries, including some that removed much of her brain tissue.<br />
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She was taken off life support and was let go. Except that stinker hung on for 2 weeks! I told you she was a fighter. There was a sense of peace when she finally passed away. Although as strange as it sounds, there was a part of me that still imagined she could recover. She may never be the same, but we could all help care for her. I thought I would be more relieved to know she wasn't suffering anymore. But the finality of it was hard.<br />
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So, as you can imagine, this changed my family in ways too numerous to count. In ways we are still discovering. Therapy for me and my children has been very helpful. But this is etched in our lives now. It's a part of us.<br />
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Since it's been 4 years, and life goes on, there have been many times when I don't think about this every single day. Almost every day, but sometimes I am going along with my busyness and I forget this wound is there. It's like a sunburn. It doesn't always hurt every minute, but you forget it's there and scratch it and BOOM you feel the pain. I was feeling pretty normal awhile back. No disturbing images in my brain of how Megan looked after this attack. I was in even Pontiac, the city where her first hospital was. Where she went to the ER and then stayed for about 2 months. I had driven by here a hundred times since then and was fine. But this one night, Brad had a band gig near the hospital. We were driving home, and he drove a different route near the hospital. I have no idea why this affected me. I had a breakdown, sobbing. <br />
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Then there was the time we were going to binge watch The Walking Dead. Violent TV shows have not been a good idea for me since this. But it's zombies, right? Totally fake! I can take it. Well, episode 1 starts. I am not loving the gore, but try to stick with it. Try to be normal. Most of America watches and loves this show, I tell myself. Then out comes the hero to fight off a zombie. With a baseball bat. He raises it above the zombies head. And I hyperventilate. Run upstairs sobbing, barely able to breathe. Poor Brad, he was just at a loss. He kept apologizing. He just held me until I calmed down. Needless to say, I have never seen another minute of that show.<br />
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There are so many times when someone jokingly says something about beating someone with a bat. I know you may not believe that, but it's true. They don't mean anything by it and have no idea about my sunburned heart. It was fine a minute ago, but you just scratched it unknowingly with your words, bringing those images back up in my brain.<br />
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It's 4 years later, FOUR FREAKING YEARS. And I cannot LOOK at a bat without thinking about this. Our daughter plays softball on a special needs team. And every single time someone picks up a bat, I am imagining what happened. The force it would take. The fact that it was his beloved daughter. I mean, I try to be normal. And I truly enjoy her games. I get in the car, not thinking about Megs, drag my chair out to sit and watch. And there goes that damned sunburned heart, getting scratched and hurting.<br />
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I would love to end this post with a nice little thought about how healed we all are. But. That will have to come later. I pray it will.<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-2003711980407005902015-05-09T10:15:00.000-07:002015-05-09T10:15:38.153-07:00Anniversary of a TragedyThis post should have a disclaimer: Not for the faint of heart. Violent, horrifying incident below. Don't read if you can't take it. I am writing it as my own kind of therapy.<br />
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Four years ago, May 9, everything about my life changed. My mom called bright and early (my first clue something was seriously wrong...my mom is not a bright and early kinda gal.) Her words didn't even make sense. My dad was a couple hours away on business (Oh my...this was pre-dementia). My mom said she needed me to hurry and pick her up. "We have to go to the hospital because Kelly hit Megan with a baseball bat."<br />
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Megan was my 20 year old niece. Their granddaughter. Kelly was her father. Is her father? Does he get to maintain that title when he did that to her?<br />
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We talked as we drove the long 10 minutes to the ER. "This must be a mistake." "If he DID do that, it was an accident." When we arrived, the staff told us the family was in a private waiting room. Uh oh. In that split second, before even entering, I knew it was true. I knew it was bad.<br />
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The question I am always asked...Kelly, the father...is he my brother? No. Technically Megan was not blood-related to my parents and me. But she is the half sister of my brother's kids. You know how family goes. Blood doesn't make them family, love does. She was my niece. She was my parent's granddaughter.<br />
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Most of the rest of that day is a bit blurry. Thank God. I have enough details that have stuck in my brain, I don't need the others. I do remember being told she was beaten in the head and was unrecognizable. I remember the neurosurgeon telling us he would do his best to save her brain and skull. I remember a few hours later when he came back to say it didn't go well. The word he described for her skull was "pulverized." I remember making a few phone calls, trying to explain this unexplainable event. Police. Her friends and family arriving. My dad saw her before the surgery, along with her mom. He was always strong about those things. I truly hope that one bright spot of his dementia is that he doesn't remember that moment. I am too scared to ask him. I remember coming home and falling apart in Brad's arms. Like I couldn't stand and he had to catch me. I don't mean crying. I don't mean sobbing. I mean FALLING. APART. While my children watched. I couldn't help it. I don't know if they remember that part. I am too scared to ask them.<br />
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I don't need to write about the gory details. They are forever burned into my brain....how she looked with half a skull. Even when some of the lesser wounds healed, she looked awful. I can see that now in hindsight. But at the time, when her head was all wrapped and she wasn't bruised anymore, we made the decision that our girls should see her. She was about to be going to rehab...it was all set up. This would be a part of our life, visiting and helping Megan. So, yeah. They saw her. If I could take back anything I have done in my entire life, it would be that. So on top of the awfulness of the beating and death, I have the enormous weight of guilt. This ain't your typical "Mom Guilt," let me tell you.<br />
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It was almost 3 months later when she passed away. There were so many surgeries. A horrible infection that meant we had to wear gowns, gloves, masks to protect us. There was a move to a more specialized hospital. There was an outpouring of love from friends, family and the entire community. This story was, unfortunately, on the news and in the papers. It was oddly comforting to have strangers post their kind words on the Facebook page for Megs. (It was also freaking unreal when a few of them somehow found me on FB and messaged me, asking for details of the crime. What. The. Heck.) There was a wonderful woman from Kensington, our church, who never met any of us before. Didn't know Megan. But she came and sat for hours a week with Megan and prayed over her. I am telling you, most people would run away in tears to see a person in this condition. But not Janet. That was a good thing that came out of this. To see how good some people are and try to forget how evil this man is.<br />
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I was MIA as a parent for those 3 months. Even when I was home, I wasn't present. I don't even know how everyone got everywhere and how/what they ate. Just pile on a little more guilt, it doesn't even matter at this point.<br />
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Funerals are not fun. Funerals for young people are just indescribable. It was a nice service, but seeing all her friends, who just seemed like kids....it was a bit much.<br />
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On that day, May 9, we basically lost Megan. Because she never regained consciousness. But we lost Kelly, too. He was her dad and was a part of our life. He was the only dad my other niece and my nephew knew since my brother died when they were just babies. He was our loved one, too. He may be physically alive, but that day, we lost him by choice. This was a hard thing to deal with, too. Just a couple weeks earlier on Easter, he and Megan sat together on our deck and watched all the little kids play on our trampoline. At this point, I don't care about the loss of him in our life. But at the time, it was a strange and difficult thing. When someone you care about commits a horrendous crime, well, it was something I had never experienced before.<br />
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For the past 4 years, we have endured the effects of this. To lose a 20 year old relative is never, ever easy. But the circumstances of her death, her murder, it's just unbearable. My children were too young to process this. There has been much therapy around here for us all. I don't doubt there will be more to come. There is all the typical grief stuff...thinking about the things she will never do, never see. That we won't see her again on this earth. Add to that the fact that she was brutally beaten, survived in a horrendous state for 3 months, all at the hand of her own father, and you can maybe begin to feel our pain in your heart.<br />
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I still struggle with this event and my faith. Not in the way you might think. I never thought "God, why did you let this happen?" My struggle is more about what God thinks of me. Because I have had some dark thoughts about Kelly. How can I be a good Christian and hope with all my being that someone dies because I hate him? I am working on this, and I don't have those thoughts too often anymore. In fact, when I think about the fact that he was beaten in prison and sent to the infirmary, I have no pleasure. I don't feel sorry for him, I just didn't feel happy like I thought I would. So maybe that shows some promise for me.<br />
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We lost something else that day. The childhood innocence of our girls. This was the kind of story I would have hidden from them. I was never really a news watcher, but I would not have let them know that this kind of evil exists in the world. Now I couldn't hide it. How do I recover from everything he has stolen from me? I am still figuring out if it's even possible.<br />
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There is so much more in my head about this situation. I can't even explain why writing this helps me. It's like it builds up inside and I will explode if I don't get it out. It's a relief to do so. <br />
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Now I just want to stare at her gorgeousness for a few minutes, if you don't mind. She was beautiful, inside and out. Megs will never be forgotten!<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-65957682871499644122015-03-08T10:06:00.000-07:002015-03-08T10:06:38.781-07:00MissingMarch 8, 2015<br />
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Dementia sucks.<br />
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My Dad has vascular dementia. Apparently he had a bunch of mini strokes that we never knew about until it showed up this way.<br />
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He looks like my Dad. His voice is the same. But my Dad is missing.<br />
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To a stranger it may not be noticeable. He can still chime in on a conversation and make sense. But many times, he doesn't make sense. <br />
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A recent incident involved him throwing away my Mom's calender. For a second time. He did it once, she had to go through and figure out all the appointments and dates again and add them to a new calender. So when he threw that one out, too, it was more than a bit frustrating. "Why did you DO that?" she asked. "Because you didn't put my stuff on there anyway." I mean, it makes no sense. He just told my Mom that he can't wait for his new phone to get activated so he can get more eye drops. Sometimes we just have to laugh.<br />
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Sometimes he makes us laugh on purpose! He likes me to take his picture and "put it on your internet!"<br />
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He always did have a great sense of humor!<br />
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But sometimes it's hard to laugh. When he tells me for the 539th time that he got new glasses, it just makes me sad. It's not annoying, it's just that he wasn't like that before a few years ago. He was a man of few words. He thought about things before he said them. He just didn't do this before. So it's a constant reminder that his brain is not the same.<br />
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He was over last week with my Mom to meet Lea's bus after school. In a matter of minutes, he opened my package that contained my essential oils I had just ordered. In fact, because this specific oil had been out of stock for so long, the ordering was weird, and I had to stay up until 1 am to get these suckers. He opened my box, took 2 of the 4 bottles. Then he went upstairs to our bathroom where I keep my large stash of oils on a rack. He took 4 large bottles of my precious oils, including one that was brand new and cost $75. The total for everything was about $300. If you know me at all, you KNOW how I feel about my oils. We still have not found any of them. He went in my closet (again, not something the REAL Doug would have done) so maybe I will still find them in a pocket or a shoe. <br />
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As I laid in bed a few nights after this, feeling so angry about my missing oils, I realized it's not the oils that I am so upset about being gone. It's my Dad. His personality. This is also just a reminder that he is not there anymore.<br />
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I am not saying that losing someone to death is easy. I have been through a lot of that as well. What I am saying is that my Dad, my actual DAD, has already passed away. And yet there is this person who looks like him, sounds like him that we have to deal with and take care of. This guy often says mean things, though. Mostly to my Mom. When I hear this stuff he says, it's like a knife in the heart. He always was a truth giver. A speak the truth in love kind of guy. But some of the things he says now are not true, not said in love.<br />
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He was my go-to guy for spiritual advice. Any questions about the Bible or Jesus, my Dad was the man. Now I don't know what he knows or thinks about Jesus. To be honest, I am scared to ask, in case that is missing, too. It was always something I admired about him.<br />
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There are some feel-good moments, too! It's not all bad. Yesterday, Brad and I were taking him to Target to get some new phones set up to save them some money. He was putting on his coat and got choked up. I mean, literally. He was choking on tears. He said "I'm gonna cry!" I said "Why?" He said "I just love you so much!"<br />
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OK. This is new. But a good new! I always knew he loved me. But he says it now a lot! And cries about it. And appreciates us and tells us so! He still knows I am his daughter. This disease is not curable or reversible. So I know he won't always know me. Once the nastiness and "borrowing" things is gone, this may be gone, too. So I will try to laugh about my missing oils. I will just buy more. I will take every hug and kiss he wants to give me, which is a lot.<br />
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Because it won't be long until that is missing, too.<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-87545737293774844122014-12-31T21:34:00.000-08:002014-12-31T21:34:59.183-08:00The blessings of 2014!Whoa, what a year! We have had some incredible blessings in our family! Here is a brief (?) look!<br />
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* Lainie took her first classes at Oakland Community College! Yes, I took her picture on her first day of school in January. Doesn't every mom do that for college? (In my defense, she WAS only 16.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not embarrassed at all.</td></tr>
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* Lainie got her Driver's License this year! This has meant freedom for her (and me!). She also helps out by taking Lea places.<br />
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* Lea attended the 2nd annual Shine dance at our church, Kensington. It's a very fancy prom-type dance for people with special needs. She had a blast and looked absolutely beautiful!!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With her BFF and caregiver Claudine. I love their relationship!</td></tr>
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* Lainie was in another play in the spring. She played Audrey in As You Like It, as well as an adorable random party-goer.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We are proud of our Drama Queen!</td></tr>
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* Lainie and I attended a women's retreat with Kensington. We had a great time connecting with Christ and each other! We made some great friends.</div>
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* Another chance for Lea to dress up! Her school banquet was lots of fun. She got to ride around in a limo bus and have a great banquet meal and dance.</div>
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* Lainie, Brad and his sister Tamasin and her hubs Terry did a crazy race! They got a bit dirty, but had a terrific time. They had to carry Lainie, manhole covers, go through an obstacle course. A great accomplishment!<br />
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* Lea spent a week at Camp Skyline! It's one of her favorite things in the world!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With her roommate Anna. They have been roomies for 2 summers!</td></tr>
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* It wasn't all good. A drunk driver rear-ended Lainie who was driving with her friend. Thank God they were alright! Her car, however, was a different story. She still misses it.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trunk wouldn't closed. Car all smooshed.</td></tr>
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* Brad did yet another race! This one was him, Tamasin and Terry again. They had to bike, orienteer, canoe then bike some more. It was brutal but he was really glad he did it!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They were less smiley at the end.</td></tr>
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* My Young Living Essential Oils business really took off! I love these oils and what they have done for our family. Better health naturally! My first year in 25 years with zero allergy meds! That is just one small part of it. I don't really "sell" these oils, I share my story. They sell themselves. I hit a pretty big goal which is called Silver In 6. Because of this, Young Living sent me an oil kit with over 120 oils, free! We were just dying when it came.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXNEvDe_dOTLU2fUwqjhXwC1P6WjxyYmUCncx9Cc4ANj9kE9q6wspg06dY05PpD4-eqoN8n54Cax9t6-NgJnFGBj-1dSPiaiGQWYI1BxlJfPfdYgzTcWMKlHcxDIaeuA6d5aiFARCFRPGo/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+481.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXNEvDe_dOTLU2fUwqjhXwC1P6WjxyYmUCncx9Cc4ANj9kE9q6wspg06dY05PpD4-eqoN8n54Cax9t6-NgJnFGBj-1dSPiaiGQWYI1BxlJfPfdYgzTcWMKlHcxDIaeuA6d5aiFARCFRPGo/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+481.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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* And more on the oil front. I did something VERY unlike me. I went to the YL convention in Salt Lake City, Utah. Let me tell you something, Folks. On a scale of 1 to 10, my sense of adventure is a minus 17. Flying alone. New place alone. Staying in a house full of strangers. All a big deal for me. But I had an amazing time. I learned SO much about oils, leadership, friendship, YL. The pictures from that week alone could fill a blog (hey....good idea.) Just a few highlights:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkVqaKu4DNTlbEBjQKffemDnYzw_gZDIcF1Vp_-R3HMs9uKPwqXo6bRpCXbrwtc3IEVmK-VfH3YxmZ5iJ7LjzoJ0374H6A_2mSVaxUzlcPWYZ-9WAMcPSl9He951qnFL0O24LeqsSF9Zz/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+532.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkVqaKu4DNTlbEBjQKffemDnYzw_gZDIcF1Vp_-R3HMs9uKPwqXo6bRpCXbrwtc3IEVmK-VfH3YxmZ5iJ7LjzoJ0374H6A_2mSVaxUzlcPWYZ-9WAMcPSl9He951qnFL0O24LeqsSF9Zz/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+532.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I won a major award, haha</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got to spend time with my awesome SIL Tamasin, aka TaTa</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here we are looking gorge by a fountain at a cool mall</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj78-WvffBGqqzoLjSU7DE58mWJWF6EBbzTHo5xmxUi5zO0v8iq57ZzBC_K-m0RxkoBlIVsJdTIfbzQhLqsl3NrM4ZaTr2dxzpfAk-u0deKY34erBIl8p4_7ZQJFdVmDuarX5zq-kWRu12g/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+747.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj78-WvffBGqqzoLjSU7DE58mWJWF6EBbzTHo5xmxUi5zO0v8iq57ZzBC_K-m0RxkoBlIVsJdTIfbzQhLqsl3NrM4ZaTr2dxzpfAk-u0deKY34erBIl8p4_7ZQJFdVmDuarX5zq-kWRu12g/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+747.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I must include at least one shot of Pat Monahan from Train. They performed for our convention and we were so close! It was an amazing night.</td></tr>
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Visiting the farm in Mona, Utah was a definite highlight of the week. I planted lavender!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNu-t0m1p7Xy4ODyd3a50PLKkoYzizAKdPwqCRIb2WztWy1WzdTzyeMtdhWmhIqWm7yHAftiCjYGymOlHcbbv7-4hzzkth2UFAX9dMehI0nTfUt5IWmrIUrkfx9Mhp3A0r_J5FxL5uIUq-/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+861.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNu-t0m1p7Xy4ODyd3a50PLKkoYzizAKdPwqCRIb2WztWy1WzdTzyeMtdhWmhIqWm7yHAftiCjYGymOlHcbbv7-4hzzkth2UFAX9dMehI0nTfUt5IWmrIUrkfx9Mhp3A0r_J5FxL5uIUq-/s1600/phone+aug+5+2014+861.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ahh Maze Ing</td></tr>
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I really loved SLC. I can't wait to return next June! It's all part of that Silver thing, and YL will pay for me this time!<br />
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* The day after I got home, Brad and I saw one of our fave bands, Neon Trees. We saw them 2 years ago in Paris and they are just so freaking awesome!<br />
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* We got to spend some time at our friends' cottage in Gladwin on a lake we really love. </div>
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We love it so much, look what happened! We tried to buy this same little cabin last year but it didn't work out. This year, it came back on the market. So we bought it! It took a couple of months for it all to come together. So we just boated past and dreamed about the day it would be ours.</div>
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* Lea played softball! She had a great time and learned a lot. She had fun with her friends.</div>
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* Lainie was in another play. Love's Labour's Lost, Shakespeare again. They did a sports theme, and she got to be a cheerleader for the first time!</div>
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Lea sold concessions.</div>
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Lainie played Rosaline. Here she is with Berowne. She had the greatest time with this role and production!!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With Grammy and Grampy</td></tr>
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* So before we knew we were buying a cottage, we blew a wad on this vacation. Just kidding about the blew it part! It was worth every penny! We went to a fave vacation spot, The Outer Banks of North Carolina. This time we rented a house on the beach. In the ocean. We were in Rodanthe. You can't beat this location.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih5rhQR71gSVuAajveZMK9WZhPqX-XVZw3BVXGUdVzG78FVShdSdBAW2B52EeyaH3_UnyXMHeqOszMCi5zj1yTEc0f6YwlDCtiUPZuVcPaeg4Xod4p2dK0oySktMzQ8DNbJK9YassbC78T/s1600/iPhone+Aug+19+14+133.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih5rhQR71gSVuAajveZMK9WZhPqX-XVZw3BVXGUdVzG78FVShdSdBAW2B52EeyaH3_UnyXMHeqOszMCi5zj1yTEc0f6YwlDCtiUPZuVcPaeg4Xod4p2dK0oySktMzQ8DNbJK9YassbC78T/s1600/iPhone+Aug+19+14+133.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I went swimming. Every day. Me.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our silly girls, playing in the ocean together</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is not really a pic of our house or us. It's a pic of our whacked out neighbors who didn't observe our personal space very well! haha</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandma T came with us!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sitting on the deck of the master bedroom. I could get used to this.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjQHZiMMQzGfb4jdsiGjnodzTSTmdBkEjDm2fX4kffRBa0X5vUom6Y_-wkKNOouzFlxlgznbRgN_lKkhSuNRotdoTZyl4GzaAGt_-AJvW3RMSJneg9o4AAhAl3f0W4WxN8ktiy-6AQFVNi/s1600/Tues+Aug+19+(51).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjQHZiMMQzGfb4jdsiGjnodzTSTmdBkEjDm2fX4kffRBa0X5vUom6Y_-wkKNOouzFlxlgznbRgN_lKkhSuNRotdoTZyl4GzaAGt_-AJvW3RMSJneg9o4AAhAl3f0W4WxN8ktiy-6AQFVNi/s1600/Tues+Aug+19+(51).JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWk2lWsqT56ekIjVgFjPxpdn7ZgZy9I8DSiO5XNicYE2-hW5OukmmvYlevm_2rNwg4z8XZaTsDhPNR7eDcmFPEm9NOC_rXYQG0NLIzTRoEiUUm5wjlKUfEJqXvAZtC2c5mazQXlp4vEauh/s1600/Tues+Aug+19+(69).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWk2lWsqT56ekIjVgFjPxpdn7ZgZy9I8DSiO5XNicYE2-hW5OukmmvYlevm_2rNwg4z8XZaTsDhPNR7eDcmFPEm9NOC_rXYQG0NLIzTRoEiUUm5wjlKUfEJqXvAZtC2c5mazQXlp4vEauh/s1600/Tues+Aug+19+(69).JPG" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
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* What an amazing summer! And this milestone happened!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYq9H6MBWNevozpkxUDsIspwKGEp2yyg3dOye9pYOohvC6W1k6SaHtIl9X7OMVRhlSAZBXZIPokKArUGoqgxwtTCY6q2zQVLCq86BJIVf_SmkQNp5Xo4DKg555ft1tHAlrZLWAfB-GhTC/s1600/iPhone+Aug+19+14+004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYq9H6MBWNevozpkxUDsIspwKGEp2yyg3dOye9pYOohvC6W1k6SaHtIl9X7OMVRhlSAZBXZIPokKArUGoqgxwtTCY6q2zQVLCq86BJIVf_SmkQNp5Xo4DKg555ft1tHAlrZLWAfB-GhTC/s1600/iPhone+Aug+19+14+004.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lea voted for the first time!</td></tr>
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* Labor Day weekend was the greatest! We got possession of our cabin! OMG we love it. Small, 2 bedrooms, but really perfect for our family. We have dreamed of this for about 20 years!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The view from our deck in the evening.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey we have a pontoon boat!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Geronimo!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Many more campfires to come</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thanks, God, for this. Wow.</td></tr>
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* My nephew Chris got married! It was a beautiful wedding in a park. Jen did great considering she was in labor during the ceremony!</div>
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* Oops, it's our cottage again! How did that happen? We were able to spend many weekends up north. So blessed!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our pups LOVE it up here!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bonus: we have even more friends on the lake! The big house with all the windows across the lake belongs to my parents BFFs. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our bud Susan over for a visit</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJmvXKhUG1CHuZOHFJX2aZwJsAhIuQkJYfEegHzN-v72GHs8eo155pDh463QipJc5hPByq3MyBqRbgbpyhyphenhyphenFSqswNxXaYIi-rBd1bzilZPshMIR_l7FQSSDsme8gHEwTDDO6BmNVuydjTn/s1600/iphone+9+16+14+055.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJmvXKhUG1CHuZOHFJX2aZwJsAhIuQkJYfEegHzN-v72GHs8eo155pDh463QipJc5hPByq3MyBqRbgbpyhyphenhyphenFSqswNxXaYIi-rBd1bzilZPshMIR_l7FQSSDsme8gHEwTDDO6BmNVuydjTn/s1600/iphone+9+16+14+055.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another boat ride? Yes please.</td></tr>
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* Chris and his new son, TJ!</div>
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* Lainie's friends threw her a suprise party! 17!!</div>
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* Lainie had her senior pictures taken. How is this possible? She was just born the other day.<br />
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* Ooops, another visit to the cottage? Yep.<br />
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* Lea got tickets to Disney on Ice for her birthday! She is 20!!<br />
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* Brad ran in the Detroit Marathon! He did the half, 13.1 miles! It goes from Detroit through Windsor and back to Detroit. He raised money for Hope Water Project and helped bring clean water to people in Africa. I am so proud!!</div>
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* We had the great pleasure of having a visit from our German friends the Schaefer's!! Their daughter Anna is an exchange student in Wisconsin and they came across the pond to visit her. And they visited us! So they got to experience the marathon and our cottage! It was so great to see them!</div>
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* Meanwhile, Lainie was on a cruise! She went with some friends and their parents. And she paid for it all by herself! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8U_cuWYp3LR7Y9HPPdPsj8q1ADhWcmFfNEnBAP2R-DEHnVp89SMil4NLgCWdgsaUjHm1erSooa9zU5o7OJKvazjtdjyzphFNuYTmyT0YNoGDSaX5Y7a_mjEPISaKRSZt0vYR_aqPhNR-p/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+237.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8U_cuWYp3LR7Y9HPPdPsj8q1ADhWcmFfNEnBAP2R-DEHnVp89SMil4NLgCWdgsaUjHm1erSooa9zU5o7OJKvazjtdjyzphFNuYTmyT0YNoGDSaX5Y7a_mjEPISaKRSZt0vYR_aqPhNR-p/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+237.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLrEl7cW4jIEJmyifzpoRk1yzaP7mtHwGNuCoSQrMJHgZqrA1-JbQZIGmRqEFbnVLAgSGR9QPkFTOLFxP8rz245C8_9YcYBhyphenhyphenBTj5e2ft54EmEGEoG6wWPlk2AljNhSuUn91OfuzyWAQeF/s1600/Lainie+zipline+Belize.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLrEl7cW4jIEJmyifzpoRk1yzaP7mtHwGNuCoSQrMJHgZqrA1-JbQZIGmRqEFbnVLAgSGR9QPkFTOLFxP8rz245C8_9YcYBhyphenhyphenBTj5e2ft54EmEGEoG6wWPlk2AljNhSuUn91OfuzyWAQeF/s1600/Lainie+zipline+Belize.jpg" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here she is, ziplining in Belize!</td></tr>
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* Next up: I took a short trip to Chicago with some cool ladies! It was another oil thang. We had so much fun! Well, THEY did for sure because they got to do a road trip with ME. I am fabulous in the car.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEInqaNWr3MT9EPyBeEOPzveGBn-P3l-_R4bvvA11TZSBaPIXIXrljGsEIxCO2wa9B-c45JEinvUn_aC5XybES0ERKIP2AfzLG2M39RFn0UVAOZd0VzxHOWKUMT1I_sAE3SoMEpPMf-9E0/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEInqaNWr3MT9EPyBeEOPzveGBn-P3l-_R4bvvA11TZSBaPIXIXrljGsEIxCO2wa9B-c45JEinvUn_aC5XybES0ERKIP2AfzLG2M39RFn0UVAOZd0VzxHOWKUMT1I_sAE3SoMEpPMf-9E0/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+304.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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* Another of those not-so-great moments: Lea had her wisdom teeth out. This was NOT fun. She ended up with a dry socket which is a terribly painful complication. Thank God that is over.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyj6gvXa_FzLyLlZEcCP2tT2h-NLZg2CBBqkz8Gf5oAXrqVo4mNRq3GrsTwfbX6vUMokvsJGReJHpYNM8DO1NSPN7Dyom4Z13FP2H_2TJ-5DtsxhlWJPLoXbBZvcHU5uKnWTS-k7Ygw8v2/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+461.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyj6gvXa_FzLyLlZEcCP2tT2h-NLZg2CBBqkz8Gf5oAXrqVo4mNRq3GrsTwfbX6vUMokvsJGReJHpYNM8DO1NSPN7Dyom4Z13FP2H_2TJ-5DtsxhlWJPLoXbBZvcHU5uKnWTS-k7Ygw8v2/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+461.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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* Surprise, back up north!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6-cYEj48m11aUvf24a8XrI0V9KLdSwmMIqZuETYj1O8SGvVMfPj0CP3PdgoedIIy1oFEGMYMkkOLGXOMZe_AgkJjiNqoVFNEf6PqldswhNa4wOUtFTSUSoI_JTWu8zUyQDUKv2PVmZ2G4/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+528.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6-cYEj48m11aUvf24a8XrI0V9KLdSwmMIqZuETYj1O8SGvVMfPj0CP3PdgoedIIy1oFEGMYMkkOLGXOMZe_AgkJjiNqoVFNEf6PqldswhNa4wOUtFTSUSoI_JTWu8zUyQDUKv2PVmZ2G4/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+528.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Winter up north! Pups hanging out and loving it.</td></tr>
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* Hey! Lainie was in a play! Surprise! Haha. The play was called The Princess Who Had No Name and she played Snow White. In this play, Snow White was a Texan. It was really cute!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNq7sdXn4YyjnoRTLq452q3Zd6-iK26BQuOsbMi4dcp4VBK9jkXDu1-Km_Wn9usJ5rINhRqqEEWJ9GFRxnHICUqAcwbNnb1iiOndCgyB9PjZ_fBOtx0bL0EqCnyFAtyYJj7O_wf3FffOhQ/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+645.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNq7sdXn4YyjnoRTLq452q3Zd6-iK26BQuOsbMi4dcp4VBK9jkXDu1-Km_Wn9usJ5rINhRqqEEWJ9GFRxnHICUqAcwbNnb1iiOndCgyB9PjZ_fBOtx0bL0EqCnyFAtyYJj7O_wf3FffOhQ/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+645.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With her friend Phoenix</td></tr>
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* Uh oh, one of the worst moments of our year. Lea was rushed to the emergency room by ambulance! Thank God everything turned out ok. But it was a long and scary night in the hospital. She had a CT scan of her brain, echocardiograms, ultrasounds, blood work....the final diagnosis was that she was dehydrated and had a near-fainting spell. She was fine the next day and has been fine since! Thank God.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4U4clVYbRcLFBAG0ShqujS6hw9oNfy6Oq1lUe46TT_44TTiAtM7Y9JaftT2V4E5j34KrxVoH3UXburRH0yZ22NbCv8lTPpn60wP5hhYqbgabGQxmiAJRYPzXy2DdgkZGbDoqxjEs0q-wT/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+666.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4U4clVYbRcLFBAG0ShqujS6hw9oNfy6Oq1lUe46TT_44TTiAtM7Y9JaftT2V4E5j34KrxVoH3UXburRH0yZ22NbCv8lTPpn60wP5hhYqbgabGQxmiAJRYPzXy2DdgkZGbDoqxjEs0q-wT/s1600/Iphone+12-10-14+666.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When we broke out!</td></tr>
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* We were still able to see Lainie's last performance of this play.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiJgYOatRXKwCTcxE_YgDbmaVSMgsQMEpil0VSErJ57H48OHc8DPDTchH7S0ggKR594PeRQEOiK9-eyr7C51M0LigRIv6uz6sejLeRa1J5f6fyMH_SZQqsvvIe_oi5K1pyMbbiBV95zOq8/s1600/Lainie+TPWHNN.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiJgYOatRXKwCTcxE_YgDbmaVSMgsQMEpil0VSErJ57H48OHc8DPDTchH7S0ggKR594PeRQEOiK9-eyr7C51M0LigRIv6uz6sejLeRa1J5f6fyMH_SZQqsvvIe_oi5K1pyMbbiBV95zOq8/s1600/Lainie+TPWHNN.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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*A cool thing happened at the play. A lady from the admissions department of a local private college saw it and wanted to meet with Lainie. We were very excited to hear more about them (Rochester College) and what they have to offer. We all love it! She definitely wants to apply there.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOYSuPowmNHIi2TyH2KIhReTCR-dsOnBCeOQ8fDF3to77t6oGIKm_CmRBhFoj_RILidpudor9NnDGhRWlJMq5mkxKuT-vrblXF6L2PXcE9dsmOCet_dhRrhbyM9FnTOxD2TofvukeH5nov/s1600/Lainie+RC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOYSuPowmNHIi2TyH2KIhReTCR-dsOnBCeOQ8fDF3to77t6oGIKm_CmRBhFoj_RILidpudor9NnDGhRWlJMq5mkxKuT-vrblXF6L2PXcE9dsmOCet_dhRrhbyM9FnTOxD2TofvukeH5nov/s1600/Lainie+RC.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flower strategically placed to protect the innocent.</td></tr>
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* We had some really tough moments related to my Dad's dementia. It's a, horrible, frustrating, devastating disease. He does have many pleasant moments, though. He still is a funny dude.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbNz9OI2G8A2g2KEFtY9CY2NKFxorefGqY_OQE2IB3MGE7LehKR9wX4A_I0Ds5jbOXhu_TLBHVl09PGgnauMbpT94bjS1N9bZrEv1FZ4iHYP3LaQvKmFruq4PiryeBh10fXjGXTRq2E2Zo/s1600/image1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbNz9OI2G8A2g2KEFtY9CY2NKFxorefGqY_OQE2IB3MGE7LehKR9wX4A_I0Ds5jbOXhu_TLBHVl09PGgnauMbpT94bjS1N9bZrEv1FZ4iHYP3LaQvKmFruq4PiryeBh10fXjGXTRq2E2Zo/s1600/image1.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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* Now here we sit on New Year's Eve at our happy place. Tamwood. We named our cottage after the cottage Brad grew up at with his family. It's pretty cold up here! -5 with wind chill. But the fire is stoked, we have plenty of blankies and 2 warm doggies. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKuCGIT6s7mgqbSWK6X2W9DprtCwe7MPCIQsOWUZamc6VbxmIVjcvPOaIZflT3wQpVRElHdQ8NZRQm5qmOxlAmO6I8RmsDktDZDDa0K8G3qJVhG_AU-FIw9exsU52hz_it4gD8ds2AW1m5/s1600/NYE+2014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKuCGIT6s7mgqbSWK6X2W9DprtCwe7MPCIQsOWUZamc6VbxmIVjcvPOaIZflT3wQpVRElHdQ8NZRQm5qmOxlAmO6I8RmsDktDZDDa0K8G3qJVhG_AU-FIw9exsU52hz_it4gD8ds2AW1m5/s1600/NYE+2014.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
And we have each other. That is the greatest! These people are the ones that make my world go round. I can't wait to see what 2015 brings us! New work/business ventures, school/college, cottage of course! It's bound to be a great year!<br />
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Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-33016307660636425182014-11-11T19:35:00.001-08:002014-11-11T19:35:16.230-08:00Not Gonna HappenNovember 2014<br />
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I was hosting an essential oil class in a couple of days. I wanted to give my guests a little something made with EOs to take home. In the past, I made bath salts. It's just my speed. Epsom salts, a little baking soda and a few drops of oil in a jar. Boom. Done.<br />
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But my friend Dawn had me at her oil class and she gave away some really healthy and delicious homemade throat lozenges. And a recipe. Ok, I can do this. There are only 2 ingredients plus a few oils! I bought the candy thermometer. I was ready to go. <br />
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Lainie was helping me. Doing most of the work actually. So that left me free to take some pics. "This is cool" I thought. This looks like a cooking show. Maybe I could blog about this experience. I could be the next Pioneer Woman. I will take gorgeous pictures and people will follow me. I will write a cookbook. I will be rich and famous!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJcppMai6hwoemm2xMyZgGJwUbjwqYqlkGil8_bkn4YVuVtj-455EQrCf6BsR3Zxd__RICtGwHXhJV9a-u7FngqK0YDfCZ-nCRfr4mG1XZsv70PkAfTEWlyZMo7MjZDNrG2BI7NrD8sXh-/s1600/photo_1%5B1%5D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJcppMai6hwoemm2xMyZgGJwUbjwqYqlkGil8_bkn4YVuVtj-455EQrCf6BsR3Zxd__RICtGwHXhJV9a-u7FngqK0YDfCZ-nCRfr4mG1XZsv70PkAfTEWlyZMo7MjZDNrG2BI7NrD8sXh-/s400/photo_1%5B1%5D.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wow that looks so professional!</td></tr>
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Lainie helped me with the stirring which took forever. But then she left me. Abandoned me. I had to finish stirring and it was not fun. I mean, it's been at 275 degrees for, like, 16 hours. Where is 300? Is this ever gonna happen?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTJZtZ5agL3wucOZXEmLz4gQIdV85u84SZHBKADbRBPPz-GabdR7DubzcLG7_uZ_2W1WKsAZ31p3P2MuxQoQejZrqbKTIP2_dkKiRrqTosUIMZl0d5MDMI5yj0bGgr1iNcmeMCDels4q3/s1600/photo_2%5B1%5D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTJZtZ5agL3wucOZXEmLz4gQIdV85u84SZHBKADbRBPPz-GabdR7DubzcLG7_uZ_2W1WKsAZ31p3P2MuxQoQejZrqbKTIP2_dkKiRrqTosUIMZl0d5MDMI5yj0bGgr1iNcmeMCDels4q3/s320/photo_2%5B1%5D.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OK, a little less professional.</td></tr>
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Dawn said it was easy. Just dump a bag of powdered sugar on a cookie sheet, make craters in it for the candy and pour it in.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPU50WyO-EOmHFovSmVVs1n4-lu4l6bPj2P3dlf2qnoxs4_9txt2QQ1FZ7wT2Fj3FJZEtQgzYgc0tR9l1EtRcnu6k202MSDMVn1r2zM_EKSqtdXUpoh3AEF5sJtMJfx8qZz84K5J55NqKD/s1600/photo_3%5B1%5D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPU50WyO-EOmHFovSmVVs1n4-lu4l6bPj2P3dlf2qnoxs4_9txt2QQ1FZ7wT2Fj3FJZEtQgzYgc0tR9l1EtRcnu6k202MSDMVn1r2zM_EKSqtdXUpoh3AEF5sJtMJfx8qZz84K5J55NqKD/s400/photo_3%5B1%5D.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OK back on track. This looks helpful and educational.</td></tr>
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I found some pics on the internet for reference. These are gonna be so beautiful!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimdBUTZuMtLcPkK5wqTKrim1OH9ut9z3BFsnPHRmK6eg8lO7ehr6K3nY6STwuL8icDw4Z4Sd6CSypIcw0ZW7oeIjWORhDAit5cnQU18UFOCPN7Rsuhv9paj4nKuYZs3Li54r3ItXVbhrOZ/s1600/lozenges.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimdBUTZuMtLcPkK5wqTKrim1OH9ut9z3BFsnPHRmK6eg8lO7ehr6K3nY6STwuL8icDw4Z4Sd6CSypIcw0ZW7oeIjWORhDAit5cnQU18UFOCPN7Rsuhv9paj4nKuYZs3Li54r3ItXVbhrOZ/s1600/lozenges.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one is from a food blogger. Like me!</td></tr>
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Well. I poured. I missed. The liquid was stringy and stretchy. This looks nothing like the video of lozenge making that I watched on YouTube. These things look nothing like Dawn's lozenges. I kept trying. But apparently lozenge making is not my thang. As you can see.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Umm, yeah. Those are gonna poke someones soft palette and they will hate me.</td></tr>
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I did not take any pictures of the hardened-like-glass mixture that spilled from the pot onto my stove and took me 15 minutes to chisel off with a butter knife. Or of my counters with the same. Or of the pot, the 3 different containers I tried to pour this stuff from. Or the spoons, toothpicks, knives, forks...all covered with shellac, it seemed.<br />
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Pioneer Woman, you are safe. For now.<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-69578675290136004772013-10-15T05:23:00.001-07:002013-10-15T05:23:40.715-07:00Baby Lea, October 15, 1994<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I wrote this post on Lea's 16th birthday, 3 years ago now! I have shared it every year since on her birthday. It features my favorite picture of us, because this was the exact moment I knew everything was going to be alright. I love you Lea! Happy 19th birthday!!</span><br />
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16 years ago today, it happened. A bit earlier than I thought, by 3 weeks. But finally the baby was here. It's a girl! they said. We spent about 2 hours with her before they told me to get a few hours of sleep. They whisked my baby away.</div>
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In the morning, I was awakened by our new pediatrician. She told me Lea had a "dusky spell" while they fed her. She said to call my husband so we could discuss the situation. Brad arrived quickly. The doctor then told us she suspected Down syndrome. She said "heart problem." She said "mentally retarded." She said we need a geneticist to know for sure. We need a cardiologist. Then she did the best thing she could have done. She sat there quietly while we cried. When we were done, she asked if we had any questions. She explained Down syndrome. She said Lea would lead a great life with some therapy. She said we were blessed. </div>
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Still, I was grieving the loss of the baby I thought I was having! I was grieving the loss of PERFECTION.</div>
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All of Lea's problems were swirling around my head. I did not call one person on my list to tell them she was born. I could not say the words "Down syndrome" without sobbing uncontrollably. They moved Lea to the special care nursery. They wouldn't let us in for hours as she was having testing done.</div>
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Finally, the time came. We were gowned up and washed down. My fear of everything about Down syndrome and heart problems had me a bundle of nerves. Then, I saw her. She had an IV in her head. She was the sweetest, most precious thing I could imagine! I held her for the first time since all of the bad news. And then I REALLY saw her. And guess what?? Perfection! The nurse took this picture at the moment I realized she WAS perfect. God gave her to us for a reason and she would be ok! We were a family now, and we would all be ok.</div>
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Happy Sweet Sixteen to our perfect blessing, Lea Renee!</div>
Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-76104822061767365242013-10-09T12:56:00.001-07:002013-10-09T12:56:53.750-07:00Slipping AwayOctober 7, 2013<br />
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If you had asked me about a year ago to describe my Dad in one word, I would have said "capable." He could fix anything. He could tell me how to get anywhere, like my own personal GPS. He could cook some good stuff, including his Southern Mama's biscuits and gravy and peanut butter fudge. He could help me with my faith journey when I had questions. He could help me through the challenges that come with having a daughter with special needs. I could go on all day about all he could do!<br />
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We saw some slight changes in his abilities, but only now and then. Nothing to alarm us.<br />
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Then we had the great opportunity to go to Germany for a few months because of Brad's work. We Skyped and he seemed fine! My Mom, being with him every day, probably didn't notice the changes. <br />
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But when the girls and I returned from Germany only 3 months later, we found a different man than the one we left. The first thing he said when he was helping us unload our suitcases was "You won't believe how bad our memories are now!" That was an understatement. Except my Mom was fine.<br />
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I am not just talking about hearing the same stories a few times. Or him asking me the same question over and over. I am talking about the handiest man I have ever known not being able to find the electrical panel. The one he rewired and even got a huge sparking shock working on before! I am talking about him ripping the invisible fence wire right out of the ground, the one he helped Brad install. "I thought it was a weed, I'm sorry" he said. MY Dad would have known that the bright yellow wire in the ground was not a weed, even if he hadn't installed it. MY Dad would never in a million years take the toilet apart to fix a leak and then leave it unfinished. MY Dad wouldn't have even the remotest possibility of forgetting how to turn on the DVD player. For Pete's sake, when I was growing up, his stereo system had 12 components and a thousand buttons on it.<br />
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MY Dad is slipping away. Vascular dementia is the diagnosis. There is no cure. The blood vessels in his brain haven't worked right for awhile now, although no one knew. This has caused irreparable damage to his brain.<br />
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Because my parents live with us, we have to watch him slip away daily. Some days are better than others, but already I would never describe him as "capable." It's hard for all of us. Instead of asking him to help when something isn't working right, we have to hide whatever is broken because he will only make it worse, unintentionally. I'm not sure I can describe the sadness this brings to us. My Mom has lost a partner and gained a child she has to drive around and keep an eye on all the time. My kids have lost the Granddad who put the batteries in all of their toys and electronics. My husband has lost a good friend, a mentor. And I have lost my capable Dad, whom I have counted on for 44 years to take care of any problem I have.<br />
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It's not all bad, really! In some ways, he is MORE present than before. He didn't often come to Lea's sports practices. Always the games, but not the practices. Now he enjoys that. He always loved his little Great Grands, but they were more Grandma's thing. Now he sits and laughs and doesn't mind playing with them. He tells me he loves me. A lot. This is pretty new. I always knew he loved me growing up and beyond. It just wasn't something we said out loud to each other. I don't know why, I think it wasn't really his style. But it is now! He often grabs me out of the blue, a huge smile on his face, and says "I love you!" Or "Ah, you are so great!" when I am doing something that is not even that great. He really tries to be productive and helpful and offers to set the table and clean up, things that NEVER occurred in all my years! <br />
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I am hanging onto these good moments. These good changes in his brain. There are many, many things to be upset about. Things we have lost forever. And research all shows this will only get worse. But if I document these little bits of new goodness in him, it will make me feel better about what is happening.<br />
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A huge part of an amazing man is gone, with more slipping away all the time. But God is blessing us with parts of my Dad's personality that we never got to see before. I am looking forward to seeing what else He will show us.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-81961292944433329762013-05-09T04:58:00.000-07:002013-05-09T04:58:38.895-07:00MeganMay 9, 2013<br />
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I have written and rewritten this post a few times. I can't get it right. You see, it's about my niece, Megan. She passed away July 27, 2011, but we really lost her on this very date, 2 years ago. The details are too harsh, too tragic, to write about. I don't want to focus on how she died, why she died. I don't want to give the man that took her from us any mention. I want to focus her.<br />
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I think I can describe her using all S words. Sweet, spunky, smart, sassy, spoiled. And might I add stunning? <br />
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We enjoyed her so much during those little kid years. She enjoyed us a little less...after all, Granddad DID feed her a bad bologna sandwich. She grew up to be a vegetarian! She was always smart and funny. She had so many friends! The outpouring of love during her almost 3 month long coma was staggering. It seems everyone loved our Meggie! <br />
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She grew away from us a bit during the high school years. But she came back. We were lucky to attend her high school graduation. We began to see her again at family parties. She always loved her niece and nephews and her cousins, my Girls. She had plenty of patience with them all. The last time we saw her alive and well was a few weeks before this date, on Easter. She sat with her little niece and nephews and helped them open presents. I am thankful for that day.<br />
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She is sorely missed, but I have many memories to hang on to. I am so blessed to have had her in my life for 20 years!Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-66539804144403423492013-03-20T06:31:00.000-07:002013-03-20T06:31:13.304-07:00Who I AmMarch 20, 2013<br />
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Tomorrow is World Down Syndrome Day! Because it's 3/21 and DS comes from having 3 of the 21st chromosome. It's the perfect day of the year to bring awareness, don't you think?<br />
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The International Down Syndrome Coalition has a campaign going...a Blog Fest, if you will. Calling all bloggers! Tell us about you and Down syndrome!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTuBxs7WmhK-ic6DXq4bzt25iU_xXVgQssp70MCIJ69SmRV2RvLe9MC8DMOSmEi9n8MXWu4rwsySSoFmdBO-qQx96ywtPwQOeXdoX7Vc6AyCrZEOJinxCeZYXsE4Aj08gk4D5igED0bvY/s1600/Germany+Feb+7,8+Oberammergau+028.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjTuBxs7WmhK-ic6DXq4bzt25iU_xXVgQssp70MCIJ69SmRV2RvLe9MC8DMOSmEi9n8MXWu4rwsySSoFmdBO-qQx96ywtPwQOeXdoX7Vc6AyCrZEOJinxCeZYXsE4Aj08gk4D5igED0bvY/s400/Germany+Feb+7,8+Oberammergau+028.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Lea, at a castle in Germany!</td></tr>
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I've been thinking about it for a week. I could write a book (or 2) on the topic! So I decided to narrow it down and focus on Who I Am Now. Because it's different than who I was when Lea was born, 18 years ago. Or who I was when she was in Early Intervention, starting public school, starting homeschooling, joining Special Olympics teams. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7BqUt9I0GWnTeaGdZFAYLZEYoDOZCKCAGio_edjMEBNIc5m4-oCPurk3jQs_2zPkn-yZllSkISPDBuZIohwbgQSPBsX_W1fnqy29pzQdVRG3nnbiE7cZ4-CUwUAelDYGCqp3p6Wmpt2F0/s1600/Me+and+baby+Lea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7BqUt9I0GWnTeaGdZFAYLZEYoDOZCKCAGio_edjMEBNIc5m4-oCPurk3jQs_2zPkn-yZllSkISPDBuZIohwbgQSPBsX_W1fnqy29pzQdVRG3nnbiE7cZ4-CUwUAelDYGCqp3p6Wmpt2F0/s400/Me+and+baby+Lea.jpg" width="387" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who I was on Oct. 15, 1994</td></tr>
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Who I Was comes into play an awful lot, though! My inner Control Freak is having a hard time. (Who am I kidding? My Control Freak was never "inner." She is always right on the outside!) Since the minute Lea was born, my Control Freak took over. Let's understand something here. Being a Control Freak has negative connotations, but it's not all bad! It meant I got her the best doctors from the get-go! Pediatricians, geneticist, cardiologist, ophthalmologist, endocrinologist, and a very scary (but turned out good!) visit to a hematologist/oncologist. It meant I started fighting for her rights as soon as I realized I needed to...at 3 weeks old, when the local school district was dragging their feet on getting her started with her therapies. That Control Freak was with me the whole way through her public school years, enjoying the many good things that came of it, but Freaking Out at the bad. And finally, that Control Freak convinced me I could do a better job at home! (Oh, and a big shout out to God, who gave me that idea! Woo hoo, thanks, God!)<br />
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So Lea graduated from our little homeschool last summer. Look at her now!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4l4NjqDuf1TkjZpeyt5HgfT_-AOBQsK7ZXJE7FONDSmy9g8Ro2MbnTDAfQ6Ho82YFiX6mbwLRahxps9GJ-njKdNfUewBq-urk6kf1yij5qJ9gpN4B8rMeb3fzz9MHIc6jRermKnt9m824/s1600/Lea+grad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4l4NjqDuf1TkjZpeyt5HgfT_-AOBQsK7ZXJE7FONDSmy9g8Ro2MbnTDAfQ6Ho82YFiX6mbwLRahxps9GJ-njKdNfUewBq-urk6kf1yij5qJ9gpN4B8rMeb3fzz9MHIc6jRermKnt9m824/s640/Lea+grad.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCShNy3sZUiF_qMzgBbkkOSWNE9_ppjVWMtMIfsdAEjfc6SFbtNBXRqjDJAsd76P9tduZ_yz6zZ5aqbKjF25X1j215reieLnz_iwtbeeSEhIEyWWJ3nX6gze1SlraE8LRJn59mTza1FRNY/s1600/Lea+grad+ceremony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCShNy3sZUiF_qMzgBbkkOSWNE9_ppjVWMtMIfsdAEjfc6SFbtNBXRqjDJAsd76P9tduZ_yz6zZ5aqbKjF25X1j215reieLnz_iwtbeeSEhIEyWWJ3nX6gze1SlraE8LRJn59mTza1FRNY/s400/Lea+grad+ceremony.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy, Lainie, Lea and Mommy</td></tr>
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Isn't that fabulous? She is done, she is 18! Wait....(insert that record scratching noise here)....done? My Control Freak doesn't like that! For the past 18 years, I was in charge of her EVERYTHING. It's ok...take a deep breath, I tell my Control Freak. All of that Control Freakishness was done for the good of the kids. You still need to do what's best for her! What's best for her is...letting go. WHAT? Yes, you know it's true. I DO? Yes. *sigh* Yeah, you're right.<br />
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First step was summer camp. Away from home for a week! It was a camp for people with special needs. They have an excellent staff! Control Freak: Oh yeah? Well, she can't eat gluten and milk products. They will never handle that! (Which they did, with perfection!) What if they....What if they don't....Stop it! She will be fine. She will not just be fine, she will thrive! Look here, Control Freak!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKPQLj7qrc_gErrI8wLlBPGk9ECdewER-1iKeA7mBfr6XB0q4ngf-CbpIjWLmFXrKJffLU5OSRasFMDfjmGy_A9OF7vFeHfpS8ZIB1LC16LUZCc08iDYDt1AEXgBV29YfK6BMSIa5sBGT/s1600/Lea+Skyline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKPQLj7qrc_gErrI8wLlBPGk9ECdewER-1iKeA7mBfr6XB0q4ngf-CbpIjWLmFXrKJffLU5OSRasFMDfjmGy_A9OF7vFeHfpS8ZIB1LC16LUZCc08iDYDt1AEXgBV29YfK6BMSIa5sBGT/s400/Lea+Skyline.jpg" width="285" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying the sprinkler at Skyline Camp</td></tr>
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See? Not only did they take great care of her, but they took tons of pictures so me and my Control Freak could see her every day!<br />
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But wait, what's this? She is an official ADULT now? We have a great program through our public schools (gasp!) that can help her learn to be independent. (Starting to hyperventilate) It's ok...they give us parents a lot of information and a say in what she does there. She is having a terrific time and learning tons! (Feeling a little calmer.)<br />
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But wait, what's this? As an adult, she is entitled to some disability services from the government. Oh boy, here we go. (Can you say paperwork?) In comes an agency to help her get Medicaid, Social Security and respite services. (Because we BOTH need a break from each other!) But this agency does not represent us. They represent HER. They work in her best interest. But, says Control Freak, what about me? Don't I get a say in this? Yes, your opinion matters. But bottom line is they are here to protect and help Lea. Lea...who is learning to make her own decisions. (Her OWN decisions? ACK!!!) Yes, Mama, she can do it! Look who she picked as her respite caregiver!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgca8gA8n6fZ7GsOcLjcx4_gAxJxW33M9O-AN1mvMf6VG4l2khOPdTcFxNNzF-DCvgdZMO2odLVsqCEjex6QTHu-yx-_Y0aeDJHLeh4zolNHGdLcZcjXIg_yGthoR5bfPRS32rOy767UjSE/s1600/Claude+and+Lea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgca8gA8n6fZ7GsOcLjcx4_gAxJxW33M9O-AN1mvMf6VG4l2khOPdTcFxNNzF-DCvgdZMO2odLVsqCEjex6QTHu-yx-_Y0aeDJHLeh4zolNHGdLcZcjXIg_yGthoR5bfPRS32rOy767UjSE/s400/Claude+and+Lea.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Claudine...one of the sweetest women on earth! Who cares about Lea just as much as I do!</td></tr>
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Oh, OK. Hmmm, so Lea gets to have sleepovers, go to fun places and have a BFF? And I don't have to worry or control anything? Yep. This is getting good.<br />
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So then Who I Am is a recovering Control Freak? No. I still have 15 year old Lainie to worry about!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgenDc5Y0F-BJkIg-tVn0VECe_Lj1dIPAFIokOyvAIR58B-5Q0L8LqtMbH8rOwpFfUM8Na0dClwq2aOxUCu400sJDkDIHkeqoC6OZtC_cFW2xqflFEquYyERqw0lNWzHIPkEjIMzI7IJZct/s1600/Wee+smoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgenDc5Y0F-BJkIg-tVn0VECe_Lj1dIPAFIokOyvAIR58B-5Q0L8LqtMbH8rOwpFfUM8Na0dClwq2aOxUCu400sJDkDIHkeqoC6OZtC_cFW2xqflFEquYyERqw0lNWzHIPkEjIMzI7IJZct/s400/Wee+smoking.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LOL, it's just a prop cigarette! But it highlights the dangers of giving up my Control Freak :)</td></tr>
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Who I Am Now is the mother of an adult and an almost-adult. I can see the benefits of being involved in every aspect of their lives. I can also see that my little birdies need to spread their wings and fly! I certainly made some mistakes (thanks to you, Control Freak.) But being there for them along the way has helped me give them the tools they need to be free. Who I Am Now is a Mama watching her babies grow up. And loving it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT6e5qwzabtoLf0CprrKD7Er7JkY5HF-_fBlfjHWl8FU-Noby3UxgYi8vEnkE95KRDBJammiU4219g47r4e7LmJZN5TEF9J46x7hgZ193GJ7Oj3KNDpHblTO10tWbJFrZiYRCXAtyZM76O/s1600/Paris+Feb+2+Bus+tour+133.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT6e5qwzabtoLf0CprrKD7Er7JkY5HF-_fBlfjHWl8FU-Noby3UxgYi8vEnkE95KRDBJammiU4219g47r4e7LmJZN5TEF9J46x7hgZ193GJ7Oj3KNDpHblTO10tWbJFrZiYRCXAtyZM76O/s400/Paris+Feb+2+Bus+tour+133.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Parisians :)</td></tr>
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-31676509759573895992013-03-05T16:02:00.000-08:002013-03-05T16:02:39.671-08:00What The R Word Means To MeMarch 6, 2013<br />
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Today is the annual day of awareness about the R word. "Spread the word to end the word," they say.<br />
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The R word...retarded, retard. I can barely write it. It hurts! Let me tell you why.<br />
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Here is my beautiful daughter, Lea.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYWMdGuZipoUCBd23CZwe7UKMWIHfNWcuSPkkcDSHfJo1bQkoBWPgiFcrXmJJD7f1wZb29s9CIyKzCOdw-h2vw3L9ZayoQOSIvovptK97xgyqDWtl8Ie9RIvz8aSZ8kJimyd5-k0CN9Xf/s1600/Paris+Feb+2+Bus+tour+237.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYWMdGuZipoUCBd23CZwe7UKMWIHfNWcuSPkkcDSHfJo1bQkoBWPgiFcrXmJJD7f1wZb29s9CIyKzCOdw-h2vw3L9ZayoQOSIvovptK97xgyqDWtl8Ie9RIvz8aSZ8kJimyd5-k0CN9Xf/s640/Paris+Feb+2+Bus+tour+237.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In Paris, Feb. 2013</td></tr>
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Lea has Down syndrome. Down syndrome comes with many challenges, one of which is her cognitive abilities. Yes, Lea is, medically speaking, retarded. Actually, even medically speaking, this is no longer the correct term. It used to just mean slow. But over the years, people have misused the term and twisted it into something ugly.<br />
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Before you argue about this, let me assure you I have heard all of the excuses, the justifications. "I don't mean YOUR daughter!" "I would NEVER call Lea that!" "I don't mean a person, I just mean something is dumb." "It's not even offensive." "I won't say it in front of you!"<br />
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You are not getting the point. Of course you won't call Lea the R word! But using it in any form is hurtful to ME. Whether or not you are calling my daughter the R word, your use of it is perpetuating a very bad stereotype of her. You are right about one thing...it is not offensive to Lea. That is because Lea is forgiving. Lea is kind. Lea would not be hurt by that word. But I am. <b>I AM</b>. Isn't THAT enough for you to stop saying it? I may be standing behind you in line at the grocery store. I may be sitting near you in a restaurant. I may be shopping in your store. I am not asking you to stop saying the word <i>around me</i>. I am asking you to <b>stop saying the word</b>. Period. <br />
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You never know who is listening.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-5287335160823253682012-10-15T05:59:00.000-07:002012-10-15T05:59:46.652-07:00Baby Lea, October 15, 1994I wrote this post 2 years ago, on Lea's Sweet Sixteen birthday! Now she is 18! I am so proud of all that she has accomplished! She is a Special Olympian, an expert horsewoman, a graduate, a young woman. Here is the story of her birth.<br />
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16 years ago today, it happened. A bit earlier than I thought, by 3 weeks. But finally the baby was here. It's a girl! they said. We spent about 2 hours with her before they told me to get a few hours of sleep. They whisked my baby away.</div>
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In the morning, I was awakened by our new pediatrician. She told me Lea had a "dusky spell" while they fed her. She said to call my husband so we could discuss the situation. Brad arrived quickly. The doctor then told us she suspected Down syndrome. She said "heart problem." She said "mentally retarded." She said we need a geneticist to know for sure. We need a cardiologist. Then she did the best thing she could have done. She sat there quietly while we cried. When we were done, she asked if we had any questions. She explained Down syndrome. She said Lea would lead a great life with some therapy. She said we were blessed. </div>
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Still, I was grieving the loss of the baby I thought I was having! I was grieving the loss of PERFECTION.</div>
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All of Lea's problems were swirling around my head. I did not call one person on my list to tell them she was born. I could not say the words "Down syndrome" without sobbing uncontrollably. They moved Lea to the special care nursery. They wouldn't let us in for hours as she was having testing done.</div>
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Finally, the time came. We were gowned up and washed down. My fear of everything about Down syndrome and heart problems had me a bundle of nerves. Then, I saw her. She had an IV in her head. She was the sweetest, most precious thing I could imagine! I held her for the first time since all of the bad news. And then I REALLY saw her. And guess what?? Perfection! The nurse took this picture at the moment I realized she WAS perfect. God gave her to us for a reason and she would be ok! We were a family now, and we would all be ok.</div>
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Happy Sweet Sixteen to our perfect blessing, Lea Renee!</div>
Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-22561408581266684272012-09-18T09:23:00.001-07:002012-09-18T09:23:54.960-07:00Homeschooling's Deep Dark SecretNo one ever told me, before we started homeschooling, about the dark side of it. "One on one education" they said. "Learn at their own pace" they said. But why didn't anyone ever tell me THIS truth?<br />
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"<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">You will love this time spent with your children so much that it will hurt when they move on."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When we started our homeschooling journey in Feb. '07, it was just me and Lea. She was 13. We laid on my bed reading "Little House" books. We went to the library. We did all kinds of work in workbooks and such. Then Lainie came home after finishing 4th grade. The 3 of us would sit cuddled up on the couch in our jammies with blankets on, as I read aloud from some amazing books. They took classes all over the place with other homeschoolers. They made some great friends (it's true! Homeschoolers socialize!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But now it's all changing. Lea is almost 18. She graduated from homeschooling. She graduated from ME.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She just started her post-high school program yesterday. I dropped her off in a </span>classroom<span style="font-family: inherit;"> full of people with special needs, aged 17 to 26. She will learn life skills, job skills, about money, about independence. She walked right into that brand new classroom like she owned the place! She didn't even say goodbye. Meanwhile I am hanging outside the doorway talking to the teacher. Trying to come up with some more questions so I can hang out a little longer. I walked away with tears in my eyes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes, Lea is ready for this step. We certainly need a break from each other, too! And yet, I am sad. She is my firstborn, my lovely, kind, caring, funny child. I will miss her belly laughs. I will miss seeing her smile all day. I will miss her and Lainie sitting at the table together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lainie is almost 15 and is growing up and moving on, too. She seems to be away from home a lot. She is quite in demand as a babysitter. And with her daytime </span>availability<span style="font-family: inherit;">, she is a SAHM's dream. So she babysits during the day and many evenings. She has many friends to hang out with and is off making films with them much of the time. She has homeschool classes, too, and online classes. So even when she is home, she is often in her room on her computer doing homework, rehearsing her lines for plays or writing something wonderful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our days will be different now, and will continue to change as my babies get older. But no one ever told me that these homeschool days spent together, learning everything together, would change ME. I loved those days of being with each other! I love my girls and who they are becoming. And it just hurts all the more to see them moving on. Sure, I think they have been well-prepared for the world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But I miss them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And forget what I said....it wouldn't have mattered if anyone had told me. I would not change our journey for the world.</span>Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-83923793731172685542012-06-14T19:41:00.000-07:002012-06-14T19:41:16.469-07:00God Sent Me To The Farmer's MarketThere is a small Farmer's Market in Auburn Hills every Thursday afternoon/evening. My friends have gone for a long time and have always put out an open invitation for people to join them. Even with all of their good reviews, I had never managed to make it there. Until today.<br />
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Let me back up for a minute to let you know my emotional state of the past week or so. In a nutshell, I realized Lea is old enough for the post-high school program of special education. She wants to go. She had a last minute graduation. I have been meeting with *gulp* public school staff after homeschooling since Feb. '07. I left her with the school psychologist for testing for 2 hours while I sat and became increasingly uncomfortable in the office of the high school. I spent the next 48 hours questioning this decision to send her back to school. Some of my thoughts: "Is she ready?" "Will she be safe going off in the community with this group?" "Will I survive all this worry?" "Is this program going to meet her needs?" "Am I sending her because it's a great opportunity for HER, or so I can have a break?" OK, so that is where I was at.<br />
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For some reason, I chose today to go to the market. My friends were not even there and I almost left! It's crazy, but I get uncomfortable shopping markets and art fairs. I feel guilty looking at stuff made/grown by these people who have put themselves out there to sell it, and then not buying. But I can't buy everything!<br />
I sucked it up and shopped and got some great stuff. Beautiful tomatoes, jam, salsa, eggs from happy chickens.<br />
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With my arms full, I approached the last booth on my route. It was full of handmade items of all kinds. As I started to look, a young woman asked me, "Did you find what you are going to buy yet?" I could tell these entrepreneurs had some cognitive challenges and, of course, smiled as my heart swelled. "Not yet" I said. I put my prior purchases in the car and came back to shop without distraction. There were candles made in cute teacups, plaques with nice sayings on them that were very artsy, cement stepping stones decorated with jewels and coasters made from tiles with pictures modge-podged onto them. "Here, take a flier about our program!" I read the flier describing the SKILL program of Avondale schools. This is the post-high program in their district for people with special needs from 18 to 26. The same program Lea is signed up for in our district. Hmmm....<br />
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With the help of the very chatty young lady, I picked out a coaster that has a picture of a boxer puppy on it. This sparked a (rather long) conversation about our dogs. She even asked if I had pictures of them on my phone. (Which I did. Is that weird?) I also showed her a picture of Lea and told her Lea has a disability, too. "What does she have?" she politely asked. "She has Down syndrome." The girl and her friend looked at each other and grinned. "OH! Cool!!" Not a response I have ever gotten in Lea's 17 1/2 years! "Does she have a lot of friends?" Wow, that is an unexpected question. "Well, she does have some friends, but she doesn't have lots." I said. "Well, I LOVE making new friends! Maybe I can meet her!"<br />
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Enter the program director. We had a talk about Lea, about her starting the Rochester program in the fall. I even told her about my hesitation, about my fears. Her face just lit up. She explained how these programs offer our special kids such great opportunities to interact in the community and learn independence and life skills. She talked about her love of these students. She told me about a fun dance program they offer during the school year and said Lea could attend. My new friend behind the table said "Yeah!!! It's fun! She should come!!" I got information on the program, said my goodbyes and left with my tile coaster. <br />
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A tile coaster made by a stranger is probably the LAST thing I need in my house. The clutter is closing in on me and I am trying to get rid of stuff! But that precious coaster is a reminder to me that God has this in His hands. He knew it all along. He sent me to the Farmer's Market to remind me.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-30843217976562383812012-06-12T14:58:00.002-07:002012-06-12T14:58:55.059-07:00Ringing the Bell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We had such an exciting week last week! After a last minute scramble, Lea graduated. We found a group of homeschoolers who were having a graduation ceremony and we pretty much crashed their party. There were 6 other kids.<br />
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We only met them on Thursday when we went to rehearse. Lea was great and her usual friendly self. She received a little graduation cap as a gift with a marker. It was a souvenir that you can sign. She brought this along and proceeded to ask the other grads and their friends and siblings that were there to help to sign it for her, even though she didn't know them. The kids were nice about it and signed it. But from a distance, where I watched, there were a few kids who saw her approaching, saw she was different, and avoided eye contact. They pretended not to see her standing there waiting for them to look at her. She eventually said "Hi, I'm Lea. Will you sign this?" and they did. They probably wouldn't have done that little eye roll had they known I was still watching as she walked away.<br />
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One family arrived a bit late. Their graduate, Brittany, was tall and very pretty. I knew Lea would be drawn to her. "Here we go again," I thought, waiting for the avoidance. But wait...what is this? Brittany is smiling back at Lea. She is signing the cap! She is having a conversation with Lea where she is talking, too!! Lea was excited and really liked Brittany. She was lucky enough to get to walk and sit next to her for the ceremony.<br />
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The next night was the ceremony. We had to be there early to get ready. Again, those other 5 kids were not friendly with Lea. They weren't mean, but they certainly didn't include her in their group pictures or their running around being silly. But Brittany did. Brittany talked to Lea, introduced her to her friend and her little sister Hannah. <br />
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The ceremony was great, it went off without a hitch. There was a reception after and the kids were all glowing with happiness. I overheard one of them say, "Let's go ring the bell!" Apparently the church we were in has a big bell outside. So the 5 kids ran off with their friends and sibs. But before Brittany went, she came to Lea. "Do you want to come out and ring the bell?" Lea's "Sure!" was filled with excitement! So off she went to ring the bell! Do you have any idea how this made her feel? Not the bell ringing, of course, but the simple act of being included. Being wanted. I shed a few tears of joy (not the first time that evening!) When they came back in Lea told her, "You are my best friend."<br />
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I told Brittany's mother how much this meant to me. She was very proud, rightfully so! When we were about to leave, I saw Brittany and her sister. I told her with tears in my eyes that I noticed what she did for Lea. That I appreciated her asking Lea to ring the bell. Brittany looked surprised. "Well, Lea is a graduate, too! Why shouldn't she ring the bell?" It was as if it never even occurred to her to NOT include Lea. My response was, "Yes, that's true. But you are the only other grad who even thought to include Lea and it really means a lot." Brittany explained that there were times she has felt left out and different, and she always tries to include others who are the same way. Hannah, her sister, was also very sweet. "Lea is so nice and I like hanging around her!!"<br />
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It may seem like a little thing, to talk to someone with a disability, to include them in something you are doing. But it doesn't happen very often to Lea. I always make a point to talk to people I meet with special needs, even if only for a minute. If it is that easy to make someone's day, why not give it a try?Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-22348326849876254302012-06-06T06:40:00.001-07:002012-06-06T06:40:35.933-07:00Moving onIn 2 days, Lea will walk in her graduation ceremony. Of course, this milestone causes me to reflect on her life and accomplishments.<br />
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Lea has had to work harder than most for everything she does. Babies without a disability just eat. Lea had to be taught by therapists and us at home. Most babies just crawl. Lea had to be taught by therapists and us at home. Most babies walk, talk, run, read.....All of this came for Lea, but only after much work on her part. She started out with a strike against her, but she overcame it. Not only does she do all of that stuff above, but she does things that many of us, who are physically more capable, do!<br />
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She has been in the Special Olympics for several years now. She has received tons of medals for swimming; bronze, silver and, of course, GOLD! But for Lea, receiving a 4th or 5th place ribbon is just as exciting as getting the gold. She knows she has done her best and is SO proud of herself for it! Oh, she knows the difference between 5th and 1st place. She just doesn't care which one she wins. She plays soccer and wins medals and ribbons for that as well. It has been so inspiring to see her progress in these sports.<br />
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She started therapeutic horseback riding 2 1/2 years ago. At first, she refused to even get on the horse. Then when she would ride, she would lean way back in the saddle or hunch over forward. Now her posture is great and she can post, trot and canter! She has tried jumping and roping, too. (Although her favorite thing to rope is her therapist, Stacy!) She even rides bareback. If you have never ridden, let me just tell you that this no easy task. Stacy lovingly (?) lets (read MAKES) me try this, so I can see how advanced Lea really is. With no saddle, you have to use your leg and core muscles and have great balance. Lea makes it look so easy! And her muscles don't even work as well as mine do.<br />
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Academic learning has been the same as the physical stuff. It took her much longer to learn to read. But she kept at it, for years, and now has a love of reading that many people never do. Her writing is really good, too. Fine motor activities can be very hard for her and physically uncomfortable. Yet she will sit there with her pencil and write tons of great stuff in her journal. She also writes songs! <br />
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She continues to WOW us with what she can do. I don't think any of us will have a dry eye as she walks across the stage to receive her diploma. She tried on her cap and gown and I had to fight back the tears. I am going to need lots of Kleenex and waterproof mascara!<br />
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Great job, Missy Lea!!!<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-86760838756187179112012-05-23T19:46:00.000-07:002012-05-23T19:46:17.884-07:00A Giving SpiritBeing the Mom of a kid with special needs can be challenging at times. With Lea I always have to take extra things into consideration. The walk is too far, the noise is too loud, the touch is too soft, the dark is too....dark. But days like today remind me of the blessings Lea brings to our family. Heck, to our WORLD!<br />
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Lea is a very giving person. There are so many examples that I had to narrow it down to just a few to tell you about.
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A couple of years ago, Lea attended an art day camp for a week at a local church. Each day she created some really cool things. I think. I only saw one project! I would pick her up and ask her what she made that day. She would describe it, I would see the other kids' work. "Where is yours?" I would ask. "I gave it to (insert name here)." It was always someone different. She gave her artwork to other kids in the class, teachers, volunteers. The one and only thing I saw from this camp was a really cool birdhouse she painted and decorated with jewels and glitter. It was huge and not just decorative. An actual bird could live in there! It was still wet, but I had plans to spray it with urethane to protect it and put it outdoors. We brought it home and I put it on the table as a centerpiece. Later that day, we had a visit from a very special woman. She was Lea's first teacher when she was in the Early Intervention program. Hamida visited our home once or twice a week for years giving Lea therapy from ages 3 months to 3 years! We hadn't seen her in years and it was great to catch up. As soon as she walked in the door, Lea told her, "I made you something!" She was all smiles as she ran to the table, grabbed the still-wet birdhouse and gave it to Hamida. Hamida was overjoyed! I would have never told her, "No, that is a mistake. That is MY birdhouse!" I never even got a picture because then the secret would be out that I had planned on keeping this treasure.<br />
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Lea now attends a farm day camp weekly. She makes a craft almost every time. I have almost none of these crafts. Today is a good example. One of the volunteers at camp handed me a strange but intriguing item. An empty water bottle with straw glued all over it, a string attached, and holes cut in the sides. Inside was black sheep's wool. They sheared the sheep last week and they filled the bottles with the wool. You hang this outside and watch as the birds come by and take bits of wool from it to use in their nests. Just about the coolest thing I have seen lately! Lea said "No, Mommy, that one is not mine." "How can you tell?" "Because I gave mine to Suzie." Suzie (name changed to protect the innocent, LOL) is another camper who recently had a really bad day. She yelled at Lea, got in her face, and snatched the glasses off Lea's face, breaking them. Lea was quite upset about this (rightfully so!). I explained what the camp director told me...Suzie had been feeling ill and off due to a change in her medication. Obviously Lea has forgiven Suzie as she was the recipient of the bird's nest maker! Still, I wanted this thing. Suzie made her own, after all. What about me?<br />
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Lea also gives us all candy. She has a weekly therapy appointment at which she receives little candies. She purposely chooses candy that she can't eat (food allergies) so she can give it to me. Or Grandma and Granddad. And sometimes even her sister Lainie!<br />
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Lea is truly a giving spirit. And I DO get to keep a few things she gives! My favorites are her smiles and her hugs. Given most freely of all!<br />
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<br />Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-34260695555463787612012-04-13T10:54:00.000-07:002012-04-13T10:54:32.754-07:00The Ketchup MeltdownLea has been milk free for about 2 years now. Eliminating milk has changed her life! Her stomach problems disappeared. Her nose is less stuffy. She rarely gets the eczema that was always plaguing her. Even her crabbiness that we attributed to being a teenage girl went away! (Well, almost.) These changes are why I am a Food Nazi, checking everything she eats. Asking people we visit if I can read their packages and see their recipes. You would, too, if it kept your kid safe.<br />
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She recently began having some more tummy aches. Since people with Down syndrome have a 10% chance of getting Celiac disease in their life, I wanted to check it out. Celiac is an inability to process the protein gluten which is found in wheat, barley and rye. She has tested negative in the past, but the tests aren't always accurate, she tests negative for milk, too! The doctor recommended going gluten free to see if her tummy gets better.<br />
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I have researched a gluten free diet in the past when we thought she may have Celiac. I have many, many friends who either have it, or have a sensitivity to gluten and don't eat it. Since I already read every package, and eating at a restaurant or even a relative's house is already a nightmare, I figured I could handle being GF. I know where gluten hides, so I can do it. There are so many GF products available these days, it won't be too hard. I am confident this will be easy.<br />
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Then I went shopping. Lea rarely eats bread or toast, so that is no problem. But what about snacks? Especially those run out the door in a hurry ones? I stood in Trader Joe's, staring. The funny thing is, I was staring at the cheese! I was so overwhelmed and starting to feel bad about taking away more of her favorite foods that I stood in the cheese section, eyes glazed over. I snapped out of it. Come on, Super Mom. You CAN do this! Lea isn't picky and is even excited to try some new foods! Step away from the cheese.<br />
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I got her some dried fruit like strawberries. She doesn't like most dried fruit. But I bought it because I didn't know what else to buy. I found some rice crackers that looked good. Ok, confidence returning. These are salt and pepper flavored, she will love these! I stepped into the condiment section and saw some ketchup. Mini panic attack. Ketchup has vinegar which is made from grain, right? Is that right? OMGluten! Lea LOVES ketchup. Barbecue sauce is next to the ketchup. Lea LOVES barbecue sauce! No more ketchup or barbecue sauce? She may as well never come out of her room.<br />
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I sat in the parking lot contemplating this. All the things she can't have. She is already so different without any food allergies! It isn't fair. It's hard to manage a food allergy, but for someone with special needs, it can be even harder. She just wants to be like everyone else. She does feel special when someone says "here, I made this just for you!" but watching everyone else eat birthday cake while she has something different is not fun for her.<br />
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By the time I got across the street to the Whole Foods parking lot, I was starting to tear up. It's not fair, why Lea, why not me instead, how will we do family holiday stuff now? My heart started pounding, my palms were sweaty. I really didn't want to have a breakdown in the parking lot, so I called my friend Kim. Celiac and gluten free for her and her kids for many years, Kim never cheats with gluten. Never. She is my expert. Thank God she answered her phone. "OMGosh, Kim, doesn't vinegar contain gluten? Lea loves ketchup and I can't imagine taking it away from her!" I gushed. She calmed me down and explained that most experts agree vinegar is gluten free. They don't have a problem eating it. Whew. Ok, she talked me down some more and told me "You can do this. It's hard at first but you'll be fine." Whew again. <br />
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Only one more contact with Kim while in the store, and I was on my way. Both Whole Foods and Trader Joe's gave me big huge lists of GF foods they carry. I found many different granola bar type things and some pizza crust. Pizza is what Lea is most worried about missing. The GF pizza we have had in the past has been fine, but no wheat AND no cheese....well, we will see.<br />
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The thing I had to realize, right there in the parking lot, is that yes, this sucks. But it's our reality now and it's time to move on and deal with it. It will be worth it when Lea is pain-free! Now I gotta go find a spot on the counter for Lea's GF toaster.Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-64957938111666856512012-04-12T08:02:00.000-07:002012-04-12T08:02:12.051-07:00Too Social?There is so much talk about social media. With Lent just passed, there were many of my Facebook friends who gave up Facebook for Lent. There are always people saying they need to get off FB, they spend too much time on there. If you are one of those people, I'm sorry to be using you as an example here.<br />
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Facebook is called SOCIAL media for a reason: it's supposed to be social. Being on FB and just lurking is like being at a party with tons of your friends, and you are just hiding in the corner, never joining in the conversation. People have said to me "you are on there soooo much!" "you are so bad!" (I find it very funny that they say this....if you know I'm on there a lot, doesn't that mean YOU are on there a lot? If not, how do you even know I'm on there a lot?)<br />
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So let's clear this up. First off, for those of you who still have a dumb phone, let me explain. I can look at FB, post on FB, take a picture and upload it to FB all in about 30 seconds. Even if I do this 10 times a day, I have spent only 5 minutes, see?<br />
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I do not now nor have I ever thought FB was bad. Sometimes bad things happen on FB, yes. Admittedly, I get in FB fights from time to time. This, I will admit, is not a good idea. I must try to stop this. Yes. <br />
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FB has brought me so many good things! Here are just a few; some of you will recognize yourselves here! I have been able to keep in touch with people I probably never would have spoken to after high school. In fact, before FB, I had not spoken to them. But now I see pictures of their kids, their vacations, their lives. It's just like seeing someone in person: "What do you do? Where do you live now? Can I see pics of your kids?" I have FB friends I can count on to be excited for me when I post good news. And I am truly excited for theirs. I have FB friends who I don't know if I ever even hung out with in high school that crack me up daily. I have many friends who will send up prayers if I ask, just as I will when they ask. And I really do, I don't just click "like." <br />
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When my niece was brutally attacked, the outpouring of love from my FB friends was amazing. I had friends and their friends praying for her and our family, around here and all over the world! How awesome is it that I hadn't spoken to my friend from high school in 20 some years, and she had her church in Japan praying for my niece? How awesome is it that I "met" a wonderful woman through someone else's FB page as we were making fun of our mutual friend, and she has become my Sister in Christ and prayed for my niece with her church in Mexico?<br />
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I have been able to find out what my old college roomies have been doing. And it was wonderful to see them last weekend, one local, one from California and one from Prague! To see them and what they have become. I would have missed out on this if it wasn't for FB! Oh sure, we could keep in touch via email, phone, letters. But we don't.<br />
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I have been able to let others know about Down syndrome and how wonderful Lea is! I have always had a feeling it's my job as her parent to let others know about it. FB is a great way to do that. I have talked a lot about homeschooling my girls and "met" some inspiring homeschool moms via FB that I never would have met in person. (Still haven't met some of them in person!) But we share ideas. People have contacted me, knowing through FB that I homeschool, and have sent others my way with their questions in starting out.<br />
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So I stand by my Facebooking with no apologies. I love my FB friends and they love me! (And if you don't, you can just hide me. I'll never know.)Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2189721299029510937.post-87825816963151181512012-02-14T16:16:00.000-08:002012-02-14T16:16:32.537-08:00My God<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My God. No, not OMG. Literally, my God. Do you know Him? Due to a recent online "run in" with one of my Sisters In Christ, I was inspired to tell you about Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I barely know this woman who sent me an email stating that we as Christians should be more judgmental. Now, I don't know if whoever is reading this is a Christian or not. But either way, you are probably aware that we Christians have a reputation for being very judgmental. The article she sent said, "We are told to tolerate the religious thinking of non-Christians, because every religion has an element of truth to it, and because salvation is not exclusively for Christians. We must also tolerate in our churches the sinful actions of others. It is not our business if an unmarried couple lives together! It is none of our business if a member of our congregation practices homosexuality! We must not judge them." The whole article is about how wrong this is...society tells us these things and we, as Christians, must stand up and judge those that would do such things. It also says, "We must cater to the whims and wishes of the feminists" as one of those bad things society is telling us. I replied asking her to please not send me these emails anymore and that it was offensive. Her response back? "The Bible says a lot of things that men find difficult to swallow." Implying, if not saying outright, that I just can't handle the truth.<br />
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Riled up, I started to rant on Facebook, as did some of my friends, also Christian. But I decided that wasn't a good venue for such a thing. Plus I have too much to say and it just won't fit on Facebook!<br />
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So here I am to tell you about my God. My Jesus. I am not going to throw scriptures at you. You have heard them all before. Taken out of context, you can find one to support any point of view. I am going to tell you about who He is to ME. <br />
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First, here is where I find Him, what He looks like:</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiwnWzt2L6zdqq7MdA5oSvN8tW1o41Wbm5szO3JQ8tXpxFfVY7_ZfoA854O-N-FeeVxdQmCTyZOIhxUsXF-7DQjrlW_c8I_vYXYRiKCYmmsDmC4vngcLvVa4ArqTniXmHJRghcL3Ig5ZYh/s1600/My+view+from+the+lounge+chair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiwnWzt2L6zdqq7MdA5oSvN8tW1o41Wbm5szO3JQ8tXpxFfVY7_ZfoA854O-N-FeeVxdQmCTyZOIhxUsXF-7DQjrlW_c8I_vYXYRiKCYmmsDmC4vngcLvVa4ArqTniXmHJRghcL3Ig5ZYh/s320/My+view+from+the+lounge+chair.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Z-uxh_X9a_ivmhzDnpXhnDOj4uDp06qv_IQFqwT9GUuRirBS4pJsBe8srxK7zP1iX1PJDfARAuj_KPswqLbkz8XtCWf4s-XMfTd9m71GV375JCRFL93Zey0s8H9Fw-mblDGKITgP9yzE/s1600/Hatteras+trip+038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Z-uxh_X9a_ivmhzDnpXhnDOj4uDp06qv_IQFqwT9GUuRirBS4pJsBe8srxK7zP1iX1PJDfARAuj_KPswqLbkz8XtCWf4s-XMfTd9m71GV375JCRFL93Zey0s8H9Fw-mblDGKITgP9yzE/s320/Hatteras+trip+038.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUCfPnbs_t3KC2LPbnf0xX0N-1mgbP5tjVKbYLRRYcrSoDVFKwMVB8riPHuIuH3qg13e5MF1YEG7oeW-QcgTbqKR-5sykrlYI23WQylCF-NSy0c5bfNvgh5q1QW4_Ke7SttfjYn15y6XM3/s1600/Cabin+(24).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUCfPnbs_t3KC2LPbnf0xX0N-1mgbP5tjVKbYLRRYcrSoDVFKwMVB8riPHuIuH3qg13e5MF1YEG7oeW-QcgTbqKR-5sykrlYI23WQylCF-NSy0c5bfNvgh5q1QW4_Ke7SttfjYn15y6XM3/s320/Cabin+(24).JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I saw Him in the places above: Mexico, Hatteras Island, Smoky Mountains. I see Him in my children and the rest of my family. I see Him in the pictures of the faces of people Brad and Lainie met in Haiti. I see Him in the face of a sweet, tiny baby in the church nursery who was born addicted to drugs.</span><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel Him, too. In the hugs from Brad and the girls. In the kisses from my doggies. At times I have felt Him so strongly, it was like a physical presence. Like when tons of people in the church I grew up in laid their hands on my Mom in prayer before her breast cancer surgery. Like when our then-minister prayed for me before some surgery of my own. When a group of wonderful people surrounded my niece and prayed before removing her life support, letting her go. I feel Him at almost every church service I attend at Kensington. Enough that I cry there on a regular basis. His presence overwhelms me!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This God of mine is full of grace, forgiveness, understanding. He doesn't judge me and I don't believe He wants me to judge others. People might make choices that I wouldn't make. But that doesn't make me better than they are. God forgives everyone, that is the best part! My God is all about the LOVE. He wouldn't want me to use my faith as a weapon against others. He doesn't want me to preach hate, no matter the circumstances. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will pray for this woman, pray that maybe someday she can know MY God.</span><span style="background-color: #fdfffb;"><br />
</span></div>Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486534774257142005noreply@blogger.com2